Thursday, June 28, 2012

The Mommy Role as a Photographer

I LOVE having guest bloggers on Diary of a Pregnant Comedian. Here is a few honest words from my friend and professional photographer Abigail who is an incredible artist and new mommy. Please do visit her blog at: for more fun entries and tips on becoming a better photographer yourself.

Its 6am and I’m up with my son giving him some milk before he drifts back off to sleep. I’m up with him knowing that in an hour I’ll be up again ready to start my day full force. The whole day goes by pretty quickly lately, especially after giving birth. Every moment is consumed with some form of activity. Sending off emails, entertaining my son, feeding him or the dogs, changing diapers, making phone calls, rocking the little guy to sleep, doing laundry, cleaning the house, making more phone calls, making dinner and so on. That’s on a normal day. On days that I have a shoot, forget it! :) No one ever said being a mom would be easy. If they did.. they lied.

When I tell people that I am a full time photographer I get the, “Oh you must have it so easy!” or variations of that. Seriously, it’s a passion of mine, but its also a job. One that requires my time to grow this little business. Plus being a stay at home mom… well that’s a full time job all on its own. Am I right? So how do I do it? Planning, lots and lots of planning, and a glass of wine at the end of the night doesn’t hurt.

I feel blessed that I get to do what I love on both fronts, as a mom and a professional. Is it ever totally perfect and pretty? No, but us moms have been given a capability to do what most can’t. We are superheros in our own right and an unstoppable force.

On a parting note… if you like what you see on my blog (more is coming I promise!!), then please vote for me on Circle of Moms! Voting ends July 10th.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Oh Google! Seriously??!!

I am a curious person by nature and we all know the famed expression- "Curiosity killed the cat." Well, I'm not dead nor am I a pussy, but I am disturbed by what I just saw.

The more popular this blog is getting the more curious I am about how my readers are getting to me. BTW HUGE thank you to my new faithful followers- the rest of you please feel free to "Follow this Funny Mommy" up in the top right corner.

Well, Blogger on Google has fabulous tools that let me track where my readers are from i.e. the various countries and the specific search words and tools people are using to get to Diary of a Pregnant Comedian.  All of what I just described is incredibly cool.

What's messed up are some of the ads Google is matching with my blog entries. It should be pretty obvious that this is a humorous blog about pregnancy-- might I add, a planned wanted pregnancy. So ads that correspond to my subject matter are not only appropriate, but welcome. I think it's fantastic when an ad for a gender prediction site is at the bottom of my blog about whether or not CJ and I should find out the sex of "Baby Bean." Or when Terminex Pest control pops up at the end of my blog about feeling remorse for killing a spider; even when there's a "plus sized" clothing as that corresponds to the blog I wrote about not being able to fit into my clothes anymore. I'm good with all of that. 

But ads that are for people who have Madonna's "Papa Don't Preach" playing non-stop in their heads probably won't be on here looking for solace. But Goggle Ads don't care. They're honey badgers. I say this because on Google reader has placed several ads throughout my blogs that have shocked me. For example my blog about Pregnancy Bonuses was matched with an ad for abortion costs. WTF? And my humorous Warning blog entry on what women should avoid was match with an advertisement for "unplanned pregnancy help". Obviously if my piece had been about avoiding penises that would be apropos. But instead it's just wrong.

Now I'm dying to see what ads will be match for this entry...I hope you're reading carefully Google people!

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Baby Brain is REAL!!!

I never would have thought so before now...and yes, I can see and hear all of you who are shaking your heads and chanting "Never say never again Karith!". Of course that's not just a great James Bond movie, but an expression for a reason. I have done some of the dumbest flakiest stuff lately and it just seems to be getting worse.

Here's the short list of what I've done...or at least, what I'm willing to cop to.

My darling husband, CJ, has usurped our entire garage for all of his tools, clothes (yes, the man has WAY more clothes than I do- trust me no one was more surprised than me) and his motocross stuff that is of course of value to him. Well, I had to run out the other day after he'd left to run a quick errand. The garage door needed to be closed then locked. A task simple enough. So I closed it and I even put the pad lock on it, or so I thought. Sure, I put the lock on, but the way that I did it was essentially for asthetics, but no function whatsoever. All his stuff was ripe for the taking. Doh!

While I'm thoroughly enjoying my new car- the first ever new car I've had in my possession. I'm still getting used to it....In fact I don't think my brain has caught up to the reality that it's actually mine. The other day in fact I kept sticking the key from my old car into my new one. Obviously getting no results. I almost got so mad that I was just seconds away from calling the dealership to complain that this brand spanking new car was a dud. Thank God I looked down and realized it wasn't a car error, but my own. I was a heartbeat away from cussing a Kia dealership out and embarrassing the hell out of myself. Nice Foster...real nice. 

But the icing on the cake of my "baby brain" genius is that while I was cooking dinner the other night. I made the grandiose mistake of making lasagna the dish itself wasn't a mistake as it's one of my specialty dishes, but being the rocket scientist that I am I did it in a WHITE tee-shirt! No apron, no smock- but one of my favorite white tees. Thank you! Thank you very much! No applause please as that was pure genius on my part.

    Monday, June 25, 2012

    Fruity Baby

    Cool news Everyone! Today my baby is the size of a pomegranate. At least that's what informed me this morning. That's cool- I suppose.

    Last week "Baby Bean" was a banana (Odd, but I guess they know what they're talking about.) Before that I believe navel orange was the description du jour or du semaine (for my Frenchies out there). I think it's very interesting that all these mommy-to-be sites compare the size of my unborn child to a piece of fruit.  

    Fortunately, I like fruit so it's all good, but I can't help but wonder if (in a perfect world) men gave birth- what would the objects of comparison be? Tools, sandwiches, sports objects? 

    Seriously. What if for guys the size of their embryo was compared to balls. Men LOVE balls especially their own, right? What if in the beginning the baby is a marble, then a golf ball, then tennis ball followed closely by bocci ball, etc? 

    Then when you, rather HE, starts showing all the updates are about your softball, football, volley ball & basketball. But, they save the best for last when the baby is ready to go at 40 weeks all the talk is about your beach ball just to make it cute and not seem as strenuous as it really is, so let's be honest, I think we ALL know it's more of a medicine ball by that point.

    Saturday, June 23, 2012

    Celebrities I'm Excited to be Pregnant With...

    I've never considered myself much of a celebrity centered individual. Which may seem odd considering I've worked in the entertainment field going on 16 years- whether I've been on the TV production side of things or on camera myself, I've always regarded celebs as people like me who just happen to be more well known and have A LOT more money. The reality is that they're human too. They have gas and other bodily functions just like us. They have good days, bad days worries and problems too. In the end we all put our panties on one leg at a time. Unless you're Paul McCartney's crazy ex- Heather Mills then you just slide 'em right on. (Was that too wrong?)

    What I'm trying to say is that I've never held anyone in a higher regard because of their popularity status. Still though there are women who I admire as artists who I'm excited to be sharing this child bearing time with. Here are a few:

    Reese Witherspoon. She's not just adorable; I just think she's cool. For all intents and purposes she seems really grounded as a person.

    Uma Thurman. She's just kick ass. Plus she's an "older" mom now and hello she was in Kill Bill. 'Nough said.

    Lisa Loeb. A) She's from my hometown - a Dallas, TX girl and B)  when I met her while performing at her synagogue she was super sweet and cool.

    Anna Paquin because I loved her when she was a child in The Piano and I'm addicted to her now as Sookie Stackhouse on my all-time favorite show True Blood. (Okay I guess, I'm a little star struck in this case and it's only amplified because the father of her bebe is co-star and real life husband Stephen Moyer.)

    Now just wait for the list of celebs I'm not so thrilled to be preggers with.

    Thursday, June 21, 2012

    My Child, A Future NASCAR Driver...WTF?!!!

    So I've had some pretty ludicrous conversations with my husband in our relatively short time together. I am a comedian and he's Australian- 'nough said. I'll be the first person to say comics are odd birds and anyone who knows and loves an Aussie understands that this group of people are typically very often lacking in the filter department. Intelligence aside, they can let stuff slip out of their mouths that if it were a visual thing you'd do a double take. 

    What I find fascinating is that some of the most absurd conversations have occurred the past few weeks since "our" pregnancy has gone into full swing. A few of these conversations have been covered in this blog from our "Baby Naming Debates" to "S#!T One Should NEVER Say to One's Pregnant Wife".  A classic conversation last week revolved CJ suggesting that we NEVER have a diaper touch our baby's bottom. (I kid you not!) I truly couldn't make this up if I wanted to. I've been wanting to blog about this, but every time I think about it I just shake my head in disbelief. 

    Now, in my husband's defense, I appreciate his desire to a) be GREEN and b) fiscally responsible. But THAT is why we're doing G-Diapers or some kind of fabulous earth friendly cloth diapers.  

    Now the other thing in my husband's defense is that this was NOT an original thought of his own. (Thank God!) The brother-in-law of the Russian Super-model mom I talked about in my blog "Ah! The Joys of Little Boys" informed CJ during one of their male bonding visits that this woman, his sister-in-law from the former USSR, NEVER once used diapers on her boys- EVER! When he first told me this I called bullshit! 
    There's no way any baby in the Western world in today's society has gone diaperless their entire babyhood. But CJ swore up and down it was a Russian thing- and I just didn't understand. So he kept challenging me to call her and see what the trick was so our baby could be just as well trained. I was like, "I don't have to call her because I know what you're saying is INSANE!". Well, they finally caught up with one another on Facebook and it was revealed that although Miss Russia's boys were potty trained early they still wore diapers through at least their sixth month. Told ya so! RIDICULOUS!

    Well, the conversation tonight went from the ridiculous to the sublime. We just finished watching the NBA Finals (Poor Oklahoma City Thunder- they got served!) and there was a commercial for ESPN and all sorts of sports. I commented on how happy I'd be if our child played soccer or basketball or even danced- (football is off the table as both of us feel it's just too high a risk for head injuries). It was then that CJ, who is a motorcycle and motocross enthusiast, says, "Or racing." He then tells me about how one of his best friends who's also mad about motocross is looking to buy his son a go-kart. This child is 7 MONTHS OLD!!! He's just barely mastered sitting up by himself.  CJ was like, "I should do that for our baby." (Insert double take here!) 
    I was being a smart ass when I said, "Do you have any idea what that could lead too?! You want our baby in NASCAR?!" And that illicited this response:

    CJ: "You know, that would be pretty incredible! Do you have ANY idea how badly NASCAR is looking to have a Black driver?! Hello Ca-ching! And if we have a girl?!! Are you kidding me a FEMALE BLACK NASCAR driver! That's like printing money! AND she'd be beautiful!!! Forget about it. I'm going to look on-line for go-karts now."

    That's when I excused myself from the conversation- or just stopped listening however you'd like to envision me tuning out and started writing this blog entry- aka my therapy.

    God help us all. Especially little Baby Bean.

    Sunday, June 17, 2012

    I'm Not Fat, I'm Pregnant....

    that's the sign I want to wear around my neck although it would probably be best displayed on my ass. I apparently am one of those "lucky" women who fall into the category of pregnant, but-not-really-looking-like-it. 

    This has been confirmed by several sources including CJ, my darling husband, who told me the other day, "You really don't look pregnant just chubby- like you've gained some weight"...quickly followed with, "You're still me." I know he meant well so I didn't get upset. Pick your battles right married people?

    The fact of the matter is I do look like I've started up a love affair again with all things carb. But that's only partly true- I still eat my veggies and am making sure to get more protein, but I don't have that cute little bump that I am so envious of in others who are as far along as me. Maybe it's because this is my first and although I haven't been an athlete for years my core and stomach muscles are hanging on for dear life and trying to hold down the fort as long as they can.

    I just feel worse when other people acknowledge it. For example the new doctor I went to the other day for my asthma- after she finished listening to my lungs she looked at my chart and said, "It says here that you're pregnant." I nodded yes, to which she replied, "Wow, you don't really look like it." Great so you just think I'm a chunker!

    The thing is I'm not sure if this is a compliment or not. I mean I have gained some weight, about 20lbs, but it's spread out evenly and not in my face- and aside from my jeans and few pairs of slacks I still fit into my clothes and they look good. I guess, what I'm saying is that while in NYC I'd fall into the category of "pleasantly plump." In LA "I'm a beached whale." But in the mid-west I'd still be considered anorexic. 

    When CJ and I went to tour the local hospital the other night I was totally eyeing all of the other expectant mommies many of whom were further along than me. They were bigger than me of course. But there were a few who were only a couple weeks apart. I was the smallest by far.

    I think I wouldn't be having such an issue, but my friends and family are asking for pics of my growing baby bump and all I've got to show right now is baby plump. Sigh! :-( 

    Taken 2 weeks ago when I performed at the House of Blues- San Diego,CA

    ***So fyi I'm in a contest for the 25 Top Mom Blogs of NY- I would SO appreciate your vote ONLY a 10 days left. You don't have to give any personal info just click the button:

    Thursday, June 14, 2012

    Enough With the Freaky Pregnancy Dreams

    I've already admitted that being preggers makes you crazy, but add on top of it the whacked out dreams you can have that make you feel just to the right of certifiable. 

    At first my dreams didn't seem to bad. I mean it was in a dream that I first knew I was pregnant. Honest to God within 24-48 hours of conception I dreamed I was pregnant. It's like my body totally talked to me. The subsequent dreams that followed have been about the baby, but have more to do with the sex. I've always dream that I'm carrying a boy. I think that's because I've always expected to have a boy.
    It's the weird ass dreams since that upset me. After the first sonogram and ultrasound where we could see our Little 
    One's perfect little baby shape I had a dream a few days later that the baby's head and body were the same but my child had lobster claws for arms. I was so upset I woke up crying. CJ had to calm me down. He even got the ultrasound pic off the fridge and was like, "Do you see lobster claws here?" I shook my head "No" and whimpered back to sleep. 

    In another dream I was breast feeding my new baby- something I plan on doing and have always thought I would do. But when I went to look down in my celestial state of mommy/baby bonding bliss instead of seeing my sweet infant looking up at me. I am eye to eye staring at my Chihuahua! As adorable as she is and as much as I love her I would never breast feed her! I'm not as cool or brave as that woman in Myanmar who breast fed tiger cubs. True story! While I admit it's a noble and again brave feat 90% of my brain is saying, "F- that noise!"

    The last freaky dream was just last night. It really messed me up. I still can't shake it off. I think part of it was spurned by people, including a doctor I saw recently, who say to me, "Wow, you really don't look pregnant." But I know I have a baby in here because I see it on the screen and I feel it moving and God knows I've got the heartburn to prove it. But I think somewhere in my subconscious that makes me think something's wrong. 

    For some crazy reason last night I dreamed that I gave birth to an exact replica of my Chihuahua. In the dream one of the pediatric nurses says to me, "Oh, Honey don't worry, just yesterday a woman gave birth to two Shih tzus." Like this was a normal occurrence. So I and had to act like I was okay with this puppy being my daughter. My mom had a really tough time with it, but it was her "grandog"/ grandaughter so she was doing her best to cope. I was even swaddling her and changing her diaper like a newborn. So messed up!

    I'm trying to recount what if anything I ate last night that would cause such a raucous in my mind. Sadly, I think it's just some stress and my imagination getting the best of me.

    If I'm not alone in the crazy dream boat- please feel free to share.

    Wednesday, June 13, 2012

    Being Pregnant DOES Make You Crazy...

    ...and now I have official medical honest-to-goodness proof! Monday I was in the doctor's office, a new PCP (primary care physician) and I'm filling out the usual "new patient" paper work. You know the one where you give all the intimate details of your life- like last period, if you smoke or drink too much alcohol or coffee; what medications you're on; if you've had any surgeries - who you made out with at prom, etc...You know the form. Well, now I guess there's a new part of this inquiry into your health and this new form is a bit of a psychiatric evaluation where they attempt in a way too short a survey to assess your mental health. 

    The form includes 10 questions where you answer "yes" or "no"; and if the answer is "yes" then you must rate how often you have said symptoms. So the scale goes from least to most serious and it reads: "Almost Never", "Frequently" and "All the Frappin' Time"- okay I made that last one up, but it really reads something like, "On a Constant Basis". I won't bore you with the entire test, but I'll share the symptoms for which I answered a resounding "yes".

    • Do you have trouble falling or staying asleep? Yep, and it's just awesome that it takes me 3 times longer to fall asleep than CJ (my husband) or Lealah (my Chihuahua) and then when I finally to get into a nice REM I have to get up to go tinkle or remove every stitch of clothing because I'm burning up. But what's really fantastic is when I've only been asleep for a couple of hours and I wake up from some freaky dream- like the one where I go away on vacation and come home to find my baby -who I totally forgot I had- clinging to life in the bureau drawer where apparently in my haste to pack I left the Little One.

    • Do you worry that you're not enough for your family or are letting them down in some way? Um, yeah!!! I constantly wonder if am I reading all of the right books or if I'm on the right websites, I can't even decide what type of cloth diapers I'm going to get yet. And then there's the question of should I really push for a water birth instead of a hospital one- which could mean I'll have to deliver in an entirely different county but because of my asthma the water birth thing may go out the window anyway. The list of shit that's going through my brain is never-ending. All I want is to do the RIGHT thing!

    • Do you have an increased appetite which causes you to overeat? Hmm, let me think about that. When I say I could eat Winchell's Donuts out of their entire stock of apple fritters in one sitting does that make my answer "Yes"?

    • Are you irritable or short tempered at times? Fuck yeah! I'm tired, I'm hot, I only crap twice a week, I'm worried and I'm eating like an elephant. What do you think?!

    So there are you are ladies and gentlemen official scientific proof that being preggers qualifies you for having a mental health condition. It's real. I'm not making any of it up. So don't fret if you're in the same position. And if you're the spouse, friend or family member of someone who's "with child" go easy on us. We are legitimately crazy!

    Tuesday, June 12, 2012

    My Baby Has An Agent!!!

    I am serious as heart attack! When I say agent, I mean as in representation for commercial, TV, and print work. Now, depending on where you stand on the whole "kids in entertainment" thing will determine how you feel about this news. I for one am thrilled, but equally floored. Not just because as an entertainer who's been in the Greater Los Angeles area for almost 18 months and I don't have a frapping agent, but in case you didn't pick it up on the concept of this whole blog thing- my child isn't even born yet! As in, not actually here-  on this planet- yes, but not outside of my womb! Is that not some of the craziest schtuff you've ever heard?! My friend Tom Cotter (a riotous comedian who's currently on NBC's America's Got Talent) had the best response when I shared this news on my Facebook page. He said, "Life begins at representation." I thought that was hysterical and apparently for LA it's true. Another friend had and equally funny response when she said, "Wow you must have one gorgeous ultra-sound pic."

    My Baby Does Have A Pretty Profile!

    I promise you right hear and now that the last thing I will become is one of those crazy, annoying or obnoxious stage mothers. I can already tell you I'll rip my own heart out Indiana Jones style before I let myself resemble one of those awful women on Toddlers and Tiaras or Dance Moms

    I vow to do my best to expose my little darling to everything from arts to sports, but I will not force my child to do anything he or she doesn't want to do. 

    But how can you tell what a kid wants to do at 15 days old? Uh-huh! That's seriously when my baby could start working if this is something CJ and I decide to pursue. But in good old fashioned Hollywood tradition there are factors that will disqualify my baby from getting gigs. 
    For one thing after he or she hits 10lbs- their newborn starlet days are over (Sigh! And since there's no Baby Weigh Watchers we'll just have to be out of the game). I've also been told there's not much work for babies after that until they're about 6 months old. I guess that's when they get "cute" again. Do babies have an awkward period where they're not cute? I mean I know there are cute babies and ugly babies, but I thought that's just how it goes their entire babyhood. I clearly have so much to learn. 

    I'll definitely keep you posted on Baby Bean's potential launch into stardom- but this was just so outrageous I had to share.

    Monday, June 11, 2012

    Green Eyed Monster Monday

    For every time I've said, "I don't give a s#!t" - I take it back now. Don't worry Y'all, I'm not having some internal spiritual transformation due to my impending motherhood status that is making me re-evaluate my stance on cursing OR the apathy I have toward over-dramatic people's BS. I'm still good in those areas and have no issue doing either. By nature I'm not a potty mouth so I think I'm okay with the amount I have to contribute to my mental swear jar. Plus, I'm in my 30's which means it's time to cut the "crazy maker's" from my life anyway. (Artist's Way- anyone?)

    I currently regret saying, "I don't give a s#!t" on a very literal level right now because I would give just about anything to have one- take one, make one etc... Which is why this very special Green Eyed Monster Monday is brought to you by the letters "F" and "U" cause right now I am SO jealous of my husband and dog I could curse.  I love them dearly, but it seems just like with falling asleep for them these creatures that I adore can do it like clockwork. WTF?! 

    Now, I've glazed over this topic a little in my post "All Stopped Up and No Way to Go" and I even dedicated a different Green Eyed Monster Monday to them on this very subject, but that was a couple months ago back when I still thought it was a little funny. It's NOT funny anymore. Now, I'm pissed. Every time CJ or Lealah relieve themselves I get more angry. 

    Because that's what being constipated does. It makes you MEAN! Which makes me question with all seriousness a good number of senior citizens' and Rush Limbaugh's regularity.

    I wish I was kidding, but a couple of weeks ago when my darling husband was taking one of his marathon craps I lost it. (And by the way how do guys spend half an hour + in the bathroom for that?! Even when I could go with no issue I'm in an out in 5 minutes max. I remember as a kid my father doing the same thing. What are they doing in there? Solving world peace?)
    Seriously is it a testosterone thing or do women just think, "I've got too much shit to do (pun intended) other than sitting here on the pot for half the day.") Anywho, CJ's in the bathroom, doing his business, minding his business and as I walked by I just said, "I hate you!" It just rolled off my tongue, like I was saying, "Good morning" or "How are you today?" I don't know what happened, but I couldn't help it. He heard me say something but couldn't discern my contempt so I played it off saying something like, "I found you!" Y'all that is not the woman he married! Deep breaths.

    I realize this is part of the process and I've just got to roll, but if this is "our" pregnancy shouldn't we be sharing in all the fun?!

    Saturday, June 9, 2012

    I Want to Here From You! Re: S#!T You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman

    Since getting such a great response to both my blog entry "S#!T You Should Never Say to Your Pregnant Wife" on this site and my equally arousing and (I'd like to believe) amusing article "S#!T You Should Never Say to Your Pregnant Wife" on the Huffington Post. I've decided to branch out a little more and write a funny book on the topic, but I'll be make it a bit broader to include what people including, but not limited to significant others say to pregnant women- when pleading the Fifth would have been a better bet.

    My husband, CJ, who is the love of my life, has had a few loose lipped faux pas moments since my pregnancy began. His latest being when he looked at my boobs which were not in a bra and said, "Wow, you certainly wouldn't pass the pencil test now". (i.e. the test where you place a pencil under your boobs and if it stays you #fail). 

    So Instead of killing him and having our child born in prison I decided to channel my wrath into something creative and make a funny collection of my experiences and those of other pregnant women willing to share.

    So if you'd like to I'm dying to know what is the dumbest or most thoughtless thing someone has said to you while you were/are pregnant? From your significant other to a family member or even a complete stranger. I know I'm not alone- would love to hear your experiences too.

    Feel free to leave your responses here along with you name and where you live unless you'd like to remain anonymous. Or you can e-mail me privately at 

    Thanks so much,

    No Baby On Board Here!

    Now, before anyone gets alarmed. Everything's fine. The title for this blog is not me alluding to anything being wrong with the pregnancy or baby. So everyone can relax. I'm kind of poking fun at that suction cupped placard that people used to put in their car windows to ward off aggressive drivers. 

    Remember how it was all the rage in the 90's? I still think it caused more eye rolls than anything (from me at least). It was like, duh, you're in a minivan and you've got a Teletubbies sunshade- you'd better have a baby on board. Otherwise you're a stoner or just creepy. 

    If anything I will probably have a sunshade but I will not be sharing what's "on board" because as of right now I may not even let my kid in my car. I'm serious! Y'all, it's awful! I am currently suffering from "New Car-itis." It's caught me totally off guard as this is something I've never experienced before because never in my entire 30+ years on this earth have I had a new car. In fact, I've never owned a car that was "born" in the same decade I was living in- so I am overdue.  I think that's also why this is SO huge for me and I'm having such extreme symptoms of "New Car-itis". I knew it would feel and smell good, but what I didn't know was that some of the side effects of having a new car include but are not limited to: 
    • Being paranoid when someone parks too close to you.  
    •  Parking far away from people with crappy cars who you know don't care how hard and wide they open their doors.
    • Not wanting any food or beverage (opened or not) in your vehicle. That counts double for aromatic foods that will taint your "new car" smell. 
    • Not wanting anyone else but you to drive it- including your husband who's helping to pay for it. 
    • And lastly you don't want anyone and I mean ANYONE messy in it.

    The last one is an issue, because we essentially just bought this car for the baby. Here's the problem- I just had the realization last night that don't want my baby or any baby for that matter in my new car! Babies are messy, they throw up, they poop and pee all over, and due to their very limited manual dexterity they spill stuff. So without question this child- who is already in line to be one of the loves of my life is going to ruin my 1st ever brand new car! What a conundrum I'm in.

    I'm not saying what I'm feeling is "right", but it's honest- that's what I do on this blog. I also realize that I've got several more months to enjoy having this car to myself. I'm sure by the time the "Baby Bean" comes, I'll be ready just to have him or her in the world and I'll give a rat's ass about the car. At least I'm praying that will be the case. Or I can go all "Mitt Romney" and strap the little sucker to the top of my car. Kidding! I'm totally kidding!!!

    Wednesday, June 6, 2012

    WARNING- Pregnant Women Should Avoid the Following...

    As a pregnant woman, the last thing I want to do is scare anyone. My goal is to give you a giggle and share beneficial information with those who are currently or will soon be in my shoes. I know Ladies and I feel your pain- it seems like there are SO many restrictions and rules regarding things pregnant women should avoid in this day and age to maintain the health and safety of our unborn babies. At the top of that list is smoking and drinking of excessive amounts of alcohol.
    Those are just on "Duhs" on the common sense scale. But then there are things that if you weren't told you might not know like avoiding too much caffeine, raw/runny eggs and unpasteurized soft cheeses- the last one was disappointing surprise for me as all I've been craving is brie. (See my blog Food Porn- for more yummy no-no's). 

    There are also certain physical activities that pregnant women should avoid. I'd like to think extreme sports like Parkour, kick boxing and super intense aerobic activities, skydiving, bungee jumping etc are obvious DO NOT ATTEMPT while preggers type of activities. Sometimes people need reminder signs like on amusement park rides or Imax movies (no kidding I've seen signs for that!)

    But there's one thing no one told me to avoid while pregnant and I don't really have anyone to blame 'cause it just never came up. But if you can, at ALL costs avoid buying a new car while you're with child. As if the stress of having a baby growing inside of you isn't enough- you're now opening yourself up to a whole new world of stress, anxiety and lost sleep. 

    It's a nightmare from the comparison shopping that you do on-line first (if you're smart), then in person. Of course you have to do the test drives to see how well you think the car handles and if both you and your 6'4 husband fit well. Does it sound like I'm bitching? Good! 'Cause I am. And don't get me started on the salesmen whose job it is to essentially lie and schmooze you into a car so that they can take home a paycheck. Right now there are now about one hundred other things I'd like my child to grow up to be before a car salesman. At this point I'd say that telemarketer and drummer in a grunge band are higher on the list. I'm completely serious.  

    P.S. If you like this and other of my blog entries please vote for me as I've been nominated for a Top 25 Mom Blog of NY. You can vote everyday for the next 13 days here: