Wednesday, August 21, 2013

A Whale Of A Time

I think it's safe to say that a good portion of Americans use the word AWESOME- constantly. That word may have become mainstream in the 80's but unlike big hair, pop rocks and A Flock of Seagulls it has remained. (To be honest I think I only miss Pop Rocks).

No question, "awesome" is WAY overused and let's be honest, rarely are the things that we call "awesome" truly inspire awe. Well, since I've began my journey as a mommy. I have experienced three things that are truly AWESOME.

1) Growing another human being inside of me.

2) Bringing that little person into the world in water and without drugs or complications (thank God!)

3) Being merely feet away from the largest mammal on the planet.

This was the 1st Blue Whale we saw surface. My Daddy took this great shot.

I know number 3 may seem like it came out of nowhere, but after a family outing in Southern California to Dana Point for the Dana Wharf Sport Fishing and Whale Watching tour this summer I don't think I will EVER look at the ocean and the incredible creatures that reside in it the same way again.
As someone who grew up watching PBS nature specials and National Geographic I was well aware of the existence of whales, dolphins and other marine life, but there is NOTHING that compares to seeing them live, within a reachable distance AND in their NATURAL ENVIRONMENT!!! So AWESOME!
Check out the gorgeous tail on this sucker.

This was supposed to be a special outing for my mom's birthday but it was like everyone got a gift when we saw two enormous Blue Whales surfaced for air then make their graceful and grand re-entry into the water. 

I really can't say enough good things about our experience. I was initially afraid we wouldn't see "anything cool" because apparently a legendary school of 10,000 dolphin had migrated earlier in the month and we missed it. But the cool thing is there is ALWAYS something to see on one of these tours no matter what time of year you head out there. 

The only downside for me was experiencing some sea sickness, but after having 3 months of constant nausea while prego that was nothing. Fortunately, the boat also packs a nice little snack bar and I indulged in a 7Up or two to calm my gut and of course I had my essential oils! My Peppermint and Digestzen not only helped me but another young girl keep our heads up and enjoy the fun.

Our guide for 2-hour Dana Wharf Sport Fishing and Whale Watching tour was funny and informative. It truly was the perfect family outing- fun, educational and then when you get back to land there are plenty of little places to grab something yummy to eat.

This was something I would have never considered doing had I not been contacted by a super cool rep from Dana Wharf. I cannot thank her enough for taking such good care of me and my family. 
My parents had a blast and Baby Bean was so excited she passed out!

Although Baby Bean may not remember coming into such close contact with one the largest mammals on this planet- she's got plenty of pics to look at and a plush little porpoise named Pete from the gift shop.

If you're like me and you're taking this whole "Mom thing" seriously then you are doing your best to have a balanced life of learning and fun with your little one. Well, I was able to incorporate both with a family outing to Dana Wharf Sport Fishing and Whale Watching and I highly recommend it whether or not you live in SoCal or are planning a visit. It should definitely be on your itinerary. And if you're a fisherman this just may be your heaven on Earth!

For more information on Dana Wharf visit:

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Let's Talk about SEX (after) Baby!!! Let's Talk about You and Me!

Hah! Now that I've got your attention and put that Salt n' Pepa earworm in your head I can share with you a little something that most new parents are dealing with. 

SEX. Well, rather the lack there of. 

Not for lack of wanting it, but for lack of opportunity. Why?! Because of this new little amazing person who ironically got here because you enjoyed sex in the first place. *Hopefully- you enjoyed it. Let's be honest there are times when you're trying to make that baby that it's just a "let's get the job done, Honey" scenario. #beentheredonethat

Oh and my husband CJ and I no longer call it "having sex" or "making love." Forget about "getting it on" or even "doing the deed".

Now that we are parents we call it "talking." Because although Baby Bean may not speak yet she does understand words. Call me crazy, but I was raised in the South and that's how I roll. So, for the rest of this blog I will be speaking to y'all with the vernacular that CJ and I use to speak with one another. 

Here are the top 3 reasons you will have much less "conversation" than you did pre-baby:

1. You're fucking exhausted (pun totally intended)

2. Especially if you're breastfeeding- you've got someone on your body or literally attached to you for what feels like ALL of the time. #sleepnursing So having someone else "bending your ear" can be less than desirable at times.

3. As soon as you find the time and the energy guess who wakes up from their nap or in the middle of the night?! So you either have to get a quick chat in or nothing at all.

This may sound crazy but it's almost like Baby Bean knows; and even the idea of us practicing to make her a sibling is unconscionable.

Without question, this can be really annoying; because you're still attracted to your partner. You want that closeness, bonding and FUN. But there are going to be times when you have to tell your loved one to "talk to the hand"- literally!

I'd prefer it, if like so many unfortunate new dads, CJ didn't have to resort to talking to himself. But it is what it is and so long he's not mumbling to himself throughout the house like a crazy person on a New York City street, I think we're good.

But I think I should be clear, I'd much rather be part of the conversation.

 *By the way if you enjoyed this and other blog entries would you please vote for me in the Top 25 SoCal Mom Bloggers of 2013. You don't have to give your name or sign-up for anything just click VOTE. Thank you. Here's the link:
*Vote for Diary of a Pregnant Comedian*

Friday, July 12, 2013

A Dear Kate is WAAAAY Better Than A Dear John

I like to think that I have A LOT in common with you. And by you, I mean my amazing audience of mommies, soon-to-be mommies and folks who accidentally wandered on to this site because you randomly Googled the word "panties."
(I'm not judging)

Fyi this is NOT me modeling Dear Kate's Starlet Collection, if it were the skin would be browner and thighs touching.

I like to think our commonalities include wanting to be amazing parents, being responsible citizens of the world and fashionable least in our own circles or minds. I also hope a major quality we share is that we can all take a step back and have a good laugh...especially at some of the "not so funny" stuff that comes along with pregnancy and the aftermath.
This actually was me when Baby Bean was positioning herself on my bladder.
Like the fact that now when you sneeze, laugh or cough too hard there's a REALLY good chance you'll pee your pants a little. (Good times!) Those of you who've been following this blog for a while know that 'ish caught me completely off guard; but true to my promise of "keeping it real" I covered this topic way back in the early throws of my pregnancy. You can read all about it in an entry aptly titled Didja Pee a Little?

I lamented in that blog post that there was no solution to this embarrassing problem except to buy bulky products that make you feel weird and awkward- 'cause who doesn't like walking bow-legged because they've got what feels like a foam surf board in their drawers?  Someone must have read my mind!
Sanctuary!!!!  MADE IN AMERICA- Eat it China!
Because what I didn't know until now was that an incredible company named Dear Kate was the answer to all of our unfashionable, incontinent, uncomfortable underwear prayers. With one of the GREATEST aspects of this company being that they're made in the USA. (Hello!!! How awesome is that?!)

Well, I wish that I could say that those days of "baby bladder" are long gone. That now that I've had my baby, my body has gone right back to where it was pre-baby- as did my bodily functions and control. But let's have a moment of clarity here- even if you are Heidi-f'ing-Klum and you're on some lingerie runway 6 weeks after giving birth guess what you're still going to have issues.
You know behind that smile Heidi's thinking "Ugh, I wish I had some Dear Kate's on right now 'cause I'm about to sneeze!"

And let's be honest for those of us who are still trying to get that baby weight off that's the only solace we have is knowing that while Heidi's sitting in her cushy little chair on America's Got Talent laughing at something snarky Howie Mandel or Howard Stern said- she most likely just tinkled herself... and because she's NOT wearing her Dear Kate panties it's a hot mess.

As the proud owner of a pair of Dear Kate Starlet Hipster panties I can sing their praise from personal experience. However, I wouldn't recommend a non-stop cross-country trip bat-sh*t-crazy-stalker-astronaut style in them, but for everyday life, esp. when you want to feel good and sexy- these are the panties that are calling your name Girlfriend. (btw does anyone else remember that crazy story?!) 
Hello- who doesn't picnic in their panties?! If you don't already Dear Kate will give you the confidence to do so.

Because Dear Kate wants you to know the joy and relief their product can offer they are giving a $10 discount through the end of July 2013 on the Dear Kate panties with the discount code: "DOPClove"

*Full disclosure I was fortunate enough to receive a pair of Dear Kate Starlet Hipster panties to try out courtesy of Dear Kate. But all of the opinions and funny (I hope you thought so too) comments are mine.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

The Chiuhuahua vs. The Child

I knew that this day would come- rather I hoped it would come. Although I must admit I had mixed emotions about the day my REAL baby would take precedence over my dog baby. I didn't fully believe it was going to happen. I mean for almost four years this Chihuahua was my life. 

She went with me everywhere! She came to the studio of my morning radio show almost everyday, social gatherings, business trips, comedy gigs etc... Hell, her first night home she came with me to a New Year's Eve party. 

This dog has been flying on planes since she was 4 months old; AND she is the subject of an amazing children's book that will hopefully be published within the next year. Everyone who knows her loves her (She literally has 100+ Friends on her Facebook Page- yes, her Facebook- not her Dogbook!) She even has her own hit video on YouTube.

Most of my friends expect her to be in tow when I travel or visit their home or apt. Because she is a civilized, well-behaved adorable creature. Of course as I type this she's humping the $#@! out of a stuffed cat that she stole from one of my friend's kids. Don't judge everyone has their vices- otherwise she is the coolest Chihuahua you'd ever meet.

She doesn't shake violently for no reason or bark at random noises like most little freaky Chihuahuas. She loves, men and children. I mean she's that "anti-Chihuahua" Chihuahua. But as soon as I looked into the eyes of the sweet sweet creature that I gave birth to I KNEW that I would do ANYTHING for this child.

I thought I would do anything for the dog and I just about would but now it's under the condition that it didn't adversely affect the child.

In complete transparency (as I always provide on this blog) I have hoped and prayed for 30+ years- that I would have a baby and be a mother. I dare say that desire came LONG before my desire to be a comedian or TV and radio personality. 

Like many childless women and men all throughout this great world of ours -the First World where this can happen as opposed to Third World where your pet may be dinner- my dog was my companion, my comfort...and yes, my child.

But there's a new puppy in town Ladies and Gentlemen and the baby dog is now in the emotional dog house. I feel awful about it sometimes but I know that this is the circle of life- priorities are priorities. And my REAL baby must come first. There's not even a question about it in my head.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Wine is OUR Friend- Hence the Creation of MommyJuice Wines

That's right! I said it- Wine is Our Friend. Just ask Hoda and Kathie Lee. I think it's been years since they've gotten through the 4th hour of the Today Show without getting half lit- God love'em.

But there should be no shame in their game. As someone who's never been much of a drinker I have no issue with anyone else "getting their drink on" so long as it's responsible. However, when I do partake I am a devotee to the vino; and I am all about having a nice glass of wine before, during or after dinner. And just for the record I did cut back during my pregnancy because I didn't want my kid coming out looking like a Picasso painting. Thankyouverymuch!

But now that I am a mommy and life as I knew it is no more (i.e. a set schedule, full nights of sleep, clothes without vomit or breast milk on them, going to the bathroom with the door closed or godforbid by myself!) I keep my friends close and a glass of wine closer.
So imagine my delight when I was contacted by a PR rep for Mommy Juice Wines. When they asked me to do a write up about their product I immediately said,"Not without tasting it first!" They promptly sent three fabulous bottles my way. A lovely Red, White and their newest addition "Pool Party Rose."

This is the aftermath of a week of dirty diapers, 3 missed naps and one teething tantrum

I wish I could say the wine lasted all month, but I'd be lying. My husband CJ and polished those suckers off in less than two weeks. I did though get to share my favorite of the three, the Red Wine, with my girlfriend Heather- who hadn't had a glass of wine since before her son was born six months ago. 

You should have seen the look of joy and relaxation that swept over her face. She was beyond grateful and I felt like I'd done my good deed for the week. I immediately went to Facebook to "Like" them.

One of the things I like most about Mommy Juice Wines is their backstory. It literally was made for Mommies by a Mommy.
Busy Mommy Wine Veteran Cheryl Durzy

MommyJuice Wines was founded by Cheryl Durzy, a mom of 2 and 10+ year veteran of the wine industry in Sales and Marketing at Clos LaChance Wines. These wines were inspired by her young children that point to wine glasses everywhere claiming “That’s Mommy’s Juice!” Her vision includes balanced, fruit-forward wines that bring just a bit of peace after the chaos of everyday life as a parent.

Now that MommyJuice Wines has me as a fan I wonder if they'll dig my suggestions for a new motto. Here are some from the top of my head:

*MommyJuice Wines: Because when the laundry's done, dinner's cooked and the kids are in bed you'd better believe you f*&^in' deserve it!  

*MommyJuice Wines: Because sometimes the thought of having another one (kid) is enough to warrant a glass.

*MommyJuice Wines: It's cheaper than therapy

*MommyJuice Wines: Nectar of the gods because I am a goddess (at least in my own house.)

*MommyJuice Wines: A glass a day keeps child protective services away.
*MommyJuice Wines: Because we do more before 9am than the Army...(unless of course you're a mom who's in the Army)

I'm sure you guys have some snappy mottos. I'd LOVE to hear them so feel free to leave one or as many as you can think of in the comment section.

Much Love,
Disclosure: As I said before I was provided with wine from Mommy Juice Wines to write this review. All statements, attempts at humor and opinions expressed in this article are my own.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

It's a Miracle #2: Basil Oil Cured My Breastfeeding Blues

 MAJOR UPDATE: Hello to all of you amazing mothers who are struggling with your milk supply as I once was. I have to share this disclaimer because much of the information & photos that were formally on this blog have had to be removed. For example the specific essential oil I used- the brand and the link that you can use to purchase it- I can no longer share. This is based on a mandatory order to be compliant with the government agencies the FTC (Federal Trade Commission) and the FDA (Food and Drug Administration) because otherwise sharing this information is now deemed illegal. (God Bless America and freedom of speech and choice on how you wish to heal your or your child's body.)

So should any of you want to know the name of the brand (the ONLY brand) that I use and get information on where you can purchase it please do e-mail me at I will respond at my earliest convenience as I have to everyone who had reached out to me even anonymously. I am here to help however I can. I've been there and it's not fun, but I absolutely stand by my experience and those of many other mothers I've helped.

This blog is for all the mommies who have struggled or ARE struggling with breastfeeding and producing enough milk this post is for you!

Yes, ___________'s Basil Essential Oil cured my Breastfeeding Blues by helping me double my milk supply. I know this may sound hard to believe, and if it wasn't something I have experienced personally I'd still have an eyebrow raised like I was doing a Dwayne Johnson aka "The Rock" impression.

Just keep reading and I'll get to it. I promise! I actually just wrote an article for the Huffington Post covering how hard it is to breastfeed period for many of us, and when you have to add on top of that- getting your milk supply up or keeping it up (esp. after you have to go back to work)- that takes this "mommy thing" to a whole other level. A challenging and daunting one that can often leave you questioning your womanhood. (Like we don't have enough to be self-conscious about!)

I wish I was one of those women who had SO much milk that I ruined shirts from leakage. Sadly, I was able to return ALL of the breast pads that I'd had on my BabiesRUs registry because there was NEVER a need for them. And I sure as hell never have had a need for these. Absolutely brilliant idea though!
I would have KILLED to have had to buy this!

I have several girlfriends who've had the complete opposite problem (bully for them!) One beamed about how she ran out of room in her freezers (yes, freezers plural) and has to use a neighbor's freezer to store all of her excess milk. Another friend (and I use the term loosely- just kidding- sort of) told me that not long after she gave birth she was looking down at her hardwood floors and noticed what looked to be a glaze-like paint spattering. It took her a second to realize that was just the pattern that was being made from when she would run around topless doing things and she would just leak milk. Her boobs were literally pulling a Jackson Pollack her floors.

I really have to try not to hate on these women. I'm sure they'd rather not be in that predicament either. As a matter of fact there is an oil ("__________'s_"Peppermint Essential Oil) that has the opposite effect of the Basil Oil- and will help temper the milk production so that it's more manageable for Mom.

As much as I try not to hate, I'm human; and I still get an eye twitch when I hear a new mom bragging about how when she sneezes milk just comes out. It's truly all I can do to hold my tongue and not say:

I am the woman who has pursued every lead I could fathom to increase my milk supply. We're talking counseling with lactation consultants and nurses, questioning other moms as to what their methods are for getting more milk. Y'all I've taken and still do take Fenugreek, Blessed Thistle- there was a go at Goat's Rue tincture for a bit. I drink Mother's Milk tea- which I don't mind, but they also don't tell you that you have to drink 4-5 CUPS of it a DAY to make a difference (and I think we all know- ain't nobody got time for that!!!)

The scariest part is for me is that I was just hours away from ordering Motilium (Domperidone)- a prescription drug that Baby Bean's pediatrician recommended. Just a few of the side affects listed are:
  • Difficulty in speaking
  • Disorientation
  • Dizziness
  • Fainting
  • Irregular heartbeat
  • Light-headedness
  • Loss of balance or muscle control
All great things you want to worry about dealing with when you have a baby. NOT!

And this drug is supposed to be better than it's American counterpart Reglan (Metoclopramide) which has equally awful side effects including severe postpartum depression!

That's why I'm shouting Hallelujah from the rafters since my __________'s Basil Oil discovery- I can now return to the Southern gentile woman I am at heart. I once again can just smile politely when another mom talks about her abundance of Mommy Milk instead of cursing her silently through gritted teeth. 
My 1st EVER Milk Storage Bag from one pumping- I was so proud I HAD to document it!

It took a few days to kick in, but when it did- IT DID!!! Y'all I would normally pump 3 oz. collectively from BOTH breasts in about and hour (if I was lucky.) I now get that much from each breast in about 15- 30 minutes. *Of course every woman is different and reacts differently to pumps, and even manual expression. But I cannot encourage you enough to try it.

So here's the lowdown- the company where get my oils is a private company so to get any of these oils you have either be a rep and have your own account with THIS COMPANY or know a rep and order it on-line through their account. Fortunately you know me!

I was so impressed with the THIS COMPANY- their quality of oils and their ethics that I got involved, I became a rep and started teaching classes. Another great thing is that ALL of their oils are TRULY Pure  i.e. ORGANIC, NATURAL with NOTHING ELSE added- the plants are grown organically without herbicides or pesticides, the are cold pressed and distilled and nothing is added to the oil to cut it or stretch it. So if this is something you need and/or want to try please reach out to me and give it a go:

         again send me an e-mail at

PLEASE let me know if you get it and how it works for you. I truly ONLY want to help others achieve the best results NATURALLY for them and their babies. It happened for me and I want it to happen for you. 

*A SERIOUS fyi- I ran out of my __________'s Basil Oil while on a business trip and bought another brand for a quick replacement. Did NOT even come close to the quality of __________s. And on the label it read "not to be ingested"- Hello! How unpure is that?! It's only going on the largest organ of my body- my skin!!!

Much Love,

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Ahh! The Smell of... Arby's???

Now before anyone gets excited or criticizes my choice of fast food. Let me just say here that this blog entry isn't about woofing down one of my favorite classic sandwiches from the very well-known and liked national chain whose logo I just realized is a giant hat. (You'd have thought I would have known that years ago- I just always thought it was a slightly retarded brown Grimace.) Don't ask.

Instead, I'm sorry to say this blog entry is about what happens after one has eaten and digested- Arby's... or more specifically breast milk. Potty humor is NOT my style but I did feel compelled to write about this topic now because, to be honest, I initially thought it would be just a one time thing. 

I thought that it was just a crazy coincidence that the first time my baby had a pooh (not the meconium they get rid of right after birth), but the REAL deal- it smelled like a Beef 'n Cheddar. I swear to Godiva I'm not making this up. 

This is upsetting for me on multiple levels. 

A) because while I pride myself on not eating as much fast food as the "typical American" I do have a weak spot for Arby's and their aforementioned signature sandwich. 

 B) My close friends and folks on Facebook whom I confided in said that I was crazy or hallucinating. I'm still not sure how you hallucinate a smell...or at least a smell like that?!

A few people did attribute it to my hormones still adjusting and being out of whack. Maybe so. But whatever the case you have to admit that if I'm not eating Beef 'n Cheddars and my baby sure as heck isn't eating Beef 'n Cheddars then why is her pooh smelling that way? And how long will it last?

The truly ironic thing is that I've didn't eat or even crave an Arby's Beef 'n Cheddar while I was pregnant. If you were following me during that time you know I was all about Chipotle's Chicken Burrito Bowl. I think I ate a Beef 'n Cheddar once after giving birth. But since the association with this now acrimonious smell it may be off my favorite sandwich list for a while.

I'm super curious- have any other moms or dads had a similar experience with their infants dirty diaper situation? Please let me know I'm not alone on this.