Pregnancy Bonus? Say What?!

I am ALL about the bonus structure. I like bonus gifts when you win something, bonus points on a game, even bonus questions on a test (yes, I am that nerdy). So you know darn well that I like the bonuses that come from carrying the "Little Bean" around in my bel-bel. Yes, there are SO many things to bitch and moan about that come with the pregnancy package, but I'd like to take this blog entry to talk about some of the highlights or, if you will, the "Pregnancy Bonuses."  Now, you may be saying,  "Karith- you're still so early on how do you even know about this? I mean you're not really even showing!"

 Which brings up the excellent question: What do you do when you don't look pregnant? Answer: Helloooo! You tell everyone & their grandmother so you get the "bonuses".  I don't mean go around with a bull horn proclaiming it to the world unless that's your style. 'Course, I suppose you could start a blog about it-I'm not gonna judge. ;-) But  the idea is to obviously share with the people you love first and secondly with the people who can hook you up. Now understand- the latter group of people will most likely consist of complete strangers. But they're the best ones and they usually just feel good doing something nice for a random pregnant woman.

Let's discuss some of these bonuses shall we? One of the best bonuses that we all should acknowledge is that people are WAY more forgiving of you if you have "pregnancy brain" moreso than if you're just a plain space cadet. Trust me, I've done some stupid flighty stuff the past few weeks- i.e keeping an e-mail in draft form then getting mad  because the recipients hadn't responded. (See more @ "Baby Brain Blogettes"). This isn't just an excuse for being daft- something with your hormones and chemicals in your brain causes mini sometimes major "flake-outs"

 Other bonuses include eating out and getting a touch more of what you ask for- OR if you have an odd request  having it granted without people batting an eye. Say for example at Chipotle- the place I would marry if it was legal to marry an establishment (and of course if I wasn't already married)- I just drop that I'm eating for two and gone are any chinsey portions in my burrito bowl of sour cream, salsa or chicken. Same goes for when you ask for a slightly altered dish at a restaurant- especially at a place that doesn't like to stray from it's exact menu or "do substitutions". If you just apologize for the inconvenience and say, "I wouldn't normally ask for this, but this BABY (point at your abdomen then add a belly rub for effect) is giving me the craziest cravings." By law- Nature's Law of "Not Being a D!€k" They cannot say NO. Even the coldest of waiters will oblige you.
One of my favorite bonuses is that you're not allowed to lift heavy things anymore OR reach up high. So my husband now gets to take the wet laundry and hang it on the line. (When we're in CA we're VERY green). 

 AND now I get to ask some cute young guy (if my hubby's absent) on the airplane to help me store and reclaim my luggage from the overhead compartment. So far people have only been so happy to do so.


So ladies who are in the same boat- the message here is EMBRACE YOUR PREGNANCY as this is just the beginning of some REALLY good stuff to come. And people who are dealing with said ladies, BE NICE. I understand you didn't knock us up, but this is a wonderful, but taxing time in our lives so indulging in little bonuses like the ones I mentioned above can make our day and/or ward off a crying fit that can come on for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

P.S. If you like this and other of my blog entries please vote for me as I've been nominated for a Top 25 Mom Blog of NY. You can vote everyday for the next 10 days here: 

 http://www.circleofmoms.com/top25/Top-25-New-York-Moms-2012?trk=t25_Top-25-New-York-Moms-2012

Food Porn (Yes, as in Food Pornography)

Some people watch the Food Network to get their culinary rocks off. I don't even have to do that anymore. All I have to do is think about the list of foods I would literally pay to watch someone else eat and I get a little um, excited. That said, I'm not normally a voyeuristic weirdo. But this baby is causing some things to change in me. Some stuff I predicted while other things are a complete surprise.
For instance I've always been afraid that when I got pregnant I would crave beer- it was so absurd I used to joke about it. Well, thanks to the law of attraction my fears have come to fruition. NEVER in my life have I been a beer drinker- not even in college. Oh, and before anyone gets their panties in a wad I am still NOT a beer drinker- although I freely admit I don't think there is anything wrong with having a really nice glass of wine while prego once every blue moon on a Tuesday when the Yankees win the World Series. But lately, my darling Aussie husband, CJ, has been coming home with these incredible microbrews and IPA's some of which all I have to do is smell & I salivate. But it's not just beer I would love to have but am restricted from consuming- it's a variety of edibles that I can't stop craving.

 

Here is a snapshot from my Most Wanted Food List.

Brie cheese (and apparently ALL soft cheeses are out of the game for me for several more months) Waaahh!

Any kind of batter - from pancake to brownie mix. Because of the high risk of salmonella from raw eggs that's a no can do.

Any kind of dough- and let's be honest the ONLY dough even worth mentioning is cookie dough. Which means my all-time favorite ice cream is off the market- for the same reason as batter. Those blasted uncooked eggs. Which leads me to mourning one of my favorite breakfast foods...
 

Eggs- Sunnyside up or Benedict. No more sunshine during brunch for me!

Hamburgers or Steaks cooked medium rare or even medium. I'm not a huge red meat eater these days, but BAM- that's gone- out the window!

In all honestly, as much as I lament not being able to consume these delectable dishes I'd rather be safe than sorry while keeping me & "the Bean" healthy. That being said, if I see you out somewhere enjoying a delectable Sunday brunch that includes ANY of the above mentioned items don't look shocked or act surprised when I smack it out of your hands. But also remember, it's not me who did that to you, its the hormones!

P.S. If you like this and other of my blog entries please vote for me as I've been nominated for a Top 25 Mom Blog of SoCal. You can vote everyday for the next 10 days here: http://www.circleofmoms.com/top25/Top-25-SoCal-Moms-2012?trk=t25_Top-25-SoCal-Moms-2012

Thanks for the love and support! 
 

The REAL Crying Game

The Crying Game isn't just the name of a movie that freaked some men out so badly they had to reassess their sexual identity. It's also what my husband & I have nicknamed one facet of my hormone surges. In our crying game there's also the shocking element of surprise- what is it that will make me tear up or have a complete meltdown?

The couple weeks before I took my pregnancy test were pretty rough on both CJ and me. We had just returned from what was supposed to be our dream wedding & honeymoon in Nicaragua and it was up until 2 days before we left. Thanks to ex-NBA idiot Travis Knight's staff at Villa Noche I was robbed of everything valuable that I had with me except for my engagement ring & wedding band. Since we only left the house for 3 hours one evening there's no question that it was one of the full-time staff members who had a hand in the theft of my laptop (as a writer and comedian you know my life was on there), my wallet containing everything from my driver's license, insurance cards etc-you know, all the fun things to replace. I also lost the remainder of cash I'd brought down, wedding present gift cards etc. And the kicker was that whoever had gone through my things also stole all of the jewelry I'd brought down and most upsetting the jewelry I wore on my wedding day which included a broach from my deceased grandmother. As you can imagine I was a mess for weeks- couldn't sleep, had nightmares an erratic appetite.

Now that I have 20/20 hindsight what I now know is that I was also in my first couple of weeks of pregnancy while this madness was going on.  I was just starting to recover from the trauma of being robbed and feeling violated when the VERY first hormone surge happened. It started off innocently enough under the guise of a sweet conversation. I paid my very handsome husband a compliment on his dashing good looks. Because he's not a self-centered ass he coyly replied that I needed glasses. I rebutted with the fact that I had perfect vision because I happen to love eating carrots. Then I asked as a sidebar, "Have you every seen a rabbit wearing glasses?"

To which he replied- "No, but I know of some rabbits who could use them." CJ then proceeds to tell me how a certain population of rabbits in Australia have fallen prey to a degenerative disease that causes them to lose their eyesight- thus losing their bearings making them super easy prey for predators AND cars. All I'm thinking as a former pet rabbit owner is that these sweet little bunnies are being murdered left and right and becoming roadkill! I'm a Cancerian which means I'm already hyper-sensitive ergo I have the innate ability to get emotional at the drop of a dime. It's embarrassing to admit, but I cry every time I watch the movie Independence Day. Yes, the movie about the alien invasion of the Earth starring Will Smith. But this news CJ shared with me about these seeing impaired bunnies which would normally just unnerve me sent me plum over the edge. In about 2.9 seconds I went from smiling at my husband's sweetness to sobbing uncontrollably for a good 10 minutes. As my father famously said to my mother- my husband then said to me, "Either you're crazy or you're pregnant!" Two days later after I took the test- turns out he was right- but probably on both charges.

Who's That Mean Girl in the Mirror?

Somehow someway in the past few weeks I've gone from Miss Congeniality to the Wicked Witch of the West, East, North and South. As someone originally from the South and having spent ample time on the East Coast, Mid-West and now West Coast I do feel I can claim all of those territories as my own. And at this point if anyone tries to stop me I will snatch a patch of hair out of their head so fast they won't know what hit them. I supposed what I'm saying is that in a matter of just a few short weeks I've gone from Snow-fricken' White to a Bad Ass Honey Badger. That's right- 'cause I don't care. I don't give a s#!t! Okay, that's not entirely true, but let's just say I have my moments. Or as I prefer to call them my "hormone surges". Although I am true to my emotional Cancerian roots, I'm more sensitive than moody. So this is new for me 'cause I've never been one of those women who dreaded my monthly visit from Aunt Flo. Sure every few months I get a little testy and cry at Kleenex commercials but nothing like this! I don't have a short fuse- I just don't have a fuse.  This is so very odd for me 'cause despite living most of the time in hectic frantic city in the world- NYC and being in (the ironically self-loathing) business of stand-up comedy I'm usually in a good mood 93.7% of the time. Not an exaggeration. That IS, well, was the honest to goodness truth! So much so I even put that on my on-line dating profile. I'm sure along w/ my photo that was an attractive feature to my husband. Poor bastard!