5 AMAZING Things about My Pregnancy...

As my time as a first time pregnant lady is winding down, I've been thinking about how interesting this journey has been for both me and CJ. I'm sure there are WAY more than five things that have been awesome about this experience like how close it's brought me and my husband. 

How my friends and especially my friends who are new moms have rallied around me. 

How my parents are beyond delighted to bring a new line of blood- their first grandchild into the world. 

But the 5 things that were off the top of my head about why this has been such a great pregnancy are more physical.

#1. I really think in the scheme of things that I haven't gained that much weight. About 40/45 lbs total and I lost just about that much a couple of years ago when I did my cleanse of no sugar, no wheat, no dairy, no gluten for 90 days. If I did it before I can do it again, right?

#2. Because I haven't gotten that "BIG" I've only had to buy new bras and a few new tops. I haven't bought one stitch of maternity clothing and I'm 37 weeks pregnant! Remember I also have some of my old "fat clothes" to wear from my pre-cleanse days. So I just wear skirts now- I did size out of my jeans a couple of months ago-we covered that in "It Had to Happen Sooner or Later". But so what that's why God made leggings! Plus it's been so hot in both NYC and still so much in SoCal that I've not needed to don anything more than a sun dress or nice flowing skirt.

These are the Maternity Daisy Dukes I couldn't believe exist!

#3. I've not had the aching back so many women complain about. Sure I had a few days of Baby Bean thinking it was cute to press on a sciatic nerve and that damn near killed me, but at the most I had it for like 72 hours. That's nothing in the scheme of things. This woman at my hypnobirthing class said she's been aching for months. Poor thing!

#4. I haven't had hemorrhoids. I've heard stories about those bad boys and from what I've been told and the research I've done on my own it doesn't sound or look pretty. No sir! I also didn't get the crazy random hair growth in places no woman should be growing hair. I also, fortunately, never had my "inney" turn magically into an "outey" My belly button is as it's always been. Thank goodness.

#5 All of this stuff, even the yucky parts like extreme gas, edema (swelling of my hands and feet), leg cramps, a touch of carpel tunnel, constipation, nausea, crazy-ass heartburn, craving pickles etc...has provided me with challenges that I feel I've overcome gracefully...as gracefully as one can who pees a little each time she sneezes. But I feel like I've earned this baby- does that make sense? Like I paid my dues and the final installment will be when I bring this child into the world in water completely drug free. 

Headlining at Caroline's On Broadway- getting one last BIG show in before Baby Bean arrives

The beauty of all of this is that as a comedian I've got an entire new set- I mean this whole experience has provided me with a ton of new material and a book. And the BEST part about ALL of it is that in the end I'm bringing a beautiful healthy baby into the world. Who already is SO completely loved it's sick.

I Am So Not a Morning (SICKNESS) Person

I've never been much of a morning person, and as it turns out I'm even less of a morning sickness person. So far a normal ride on the subway has been transformed into a roller coaster ride from the traveling carnival off the highway that you know you shouldn't get on, but you've had a few beers and a couple corndogs so what the hell.

 Being in a car for too long is like a special kind of torture- front seat, back seat it doesn't matter. I have moments that are more intense than others. I call them my "Tower of Terror" times of the day. Where I just have to suck it up, breathe deeply and let the waves of nausea pass. Fortunately, it’s only a happened a few times on stage- my husband CJ happened to be at one of the shows. He saw the waves hit, saw my face turn an interesting shade of green and braced himself to watch his lovely wife puke all over the front row of her audience. Thank goodness for him AND my audience- nothing of the kind happened. In fact it NEVER happens. I haven’t thrown up since I had food poisoning a few years ago when I was on Imus- or it could have been working so closely with that special kind of evil that induced vomiting. I'm not entirely sure now. It's not that I’m asking for a repeat, but there is the thought in the back of my head that maybe just maybe if I "got sick" the nausea would dissipate and I could go on with my day. But instead I just have constant mouthwatering, that crazy metal taste in my mouth like I'm sucking on a lesbian's key chain and never-ending queasiness. And can I just say morning sickness my ass! This is the part that gets me- it MUST have been a man who named it "morning sickness". Well, I ‘d like to have a word with him because I feel dandy in the AM. It’s from about 11 o’clock/12 PM on -until I go to sleep at night that I want to guzzle Pepto Bismol like it's going out of style. But I can’t because it’s not good for Baby.
 So I have become a devotee of ginger ale, ginger candy, ginger snaps, ginger beer, ginger tea, reruns of Gilligan'sIsland where Ginger has the most lines. Its sick. Oh, AND now I carry Saltines with me everywhere I go. On the subway train, I got ‘em, in the dressing room at Macy’s I got ‘em. At the Opera- yep – that would be me trying to make sure I open the loud ass plastic bag when the cymbals are clanging not when the Soprano has a solo.

Um, That's my Seat!

Nothing is as precious or valuable as real estate in Manhattan- whether you live in New York City or not there's no denying that. However, when thinking of prime real estate most of us tend to think: Park Avenue, Central Park South or West, Gramercy Park...in a nutshell almost everything with a "Park" in it and anything that has exposed brick or a gorgeous view of a skyline- any skyline is valuable. The expression- "Location. Location. Location." came from somewhere.

What I'm talking about though is a different kind of real estate- one that's almost as precious as being in prized possession of a Gramercy Park private park key. That's right girls and boys I'm talking about the coveted seat on the New York City Subway basically anytime, but especially during rush hour. Every New Yorker knows it's value- but no one fights harder for it than old people. I have personally witness several octogenarian Asian women who in a heartbeat will not hesitate to trip, push or hip check you to get to a free seat on the subway car. I used to think: HOW RUDE! But at this point and time in my life/pregnancy I get it! I TOTALLY get it. Although I am no where near showing, every time I step foot onto the subway I make a B-line to a seat like my name is Ming Lee.  Because of my constant morning sickness what used be a bit of a jostling ride has now turned into the Six Flags "thrilling ride" Dare Devil Dive- sans the all the excitement, joy and funnel cakes.