Wednesday, February 13, 2013

The Best Damn Lactation Cookies You'll Ever Eat

Now, I am the first person to admit that cooking is not my forte. In fact, the closest my celebrity has ever come to a celebrity chef is being the warm up comic for a television pilot that Paula Dean was a guest on. And just for the record she IS as sweet in person as she is on TV and she loves butter just as much as you think she does- I don't care how much she's changed her diet post diabetes.
But that's neither here nor there. This blog entry is dedicated to the "Milk Mommies",  the ladies who like myself are doing their darndest to keep the milk flowing for their little nursing ones.

I applaud all of you who are part of this club. Breast feeding is SO not the easy task that one might think it is nor does it come as second nature or as naturally as it seems it should. It's hard work made harder when the baby you so wish to nourish doesn't have an abundant milk supply. Some women's boobs runneth over. Others of us must use supplements like Fenugreek, Blessed Thistle, Goat's Rue, etc...but the tastiest thing I've come across thus far is Lactation Cookies- that I swear on my cracked nipples work.
There are several recipes out there, I've take a bit from here and there, but this is my own recipe that has made some of the best batches of cookies me and CJ, my non-lactating husband have ever had. Oh, and these cookies were a hit at "Baby Breastfeeding Bootcamp" so I can vouch for them.

Here is goes...

  • 3 cups of old fashioned oatmeal (NOT instant)
  • 2 large eggs 
  • 2 cups of all-purpose flour
  • 1 and 1/2 cups of brown sugar
  • 1 cup of chocolate chips (I prefer the milk chocolate morsels)
  • 1 cup of butter (I prefer salted)
  • 4 table spoons of water
  • 2-4 tablespoons of Brewers Yeast (be generous)
  • 2 tablespoons of Flaxseed Meal (I've used plain and the milled Flaxseed from Trader Joe's with blueberries)
  • 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract
  • 1 teaspoon of salt
  • 1 teaspoon of cinnamon
  • 1 teaspoon of baking soda (yes like Arm & Hammers)
IMPORTANT! Do not substitute the brewers yeast… that’s the ingredient which makes them work.


Preparation time is around 15-20  minutes.
Preheat the oven to 350F.

1) Mix together 2 tablespoons of flaxseed meal and water, set aside for 3-5 minutes.
2) Cream (beat well) butter and brown sugar. Add eggs one at a time, mix well.
3) Stir flaxseed mixture and add with vanilla to the butter mix. Beat until blended.
4) Sift together dry ingredients, except oats and chips.
5) Add to butter mixture. Stir in oats then chips.
6) Scoop or drop onto baking sheet. The dough is a little crumbly, it might be easier if you use a scoop- I just use a spoon- no need to get too  fancy.
Bake for 8-12 minutes, depending on size of cookies. Makes approximately 6 dozen cookies.

*Again, I can only vouch for myself, but this definitely increased my milk supply and it was a delicious treat that was easy to make. A HUGE plus when you're crazy busy with a newborn.

**Where to Get Brewers Yeast
You can get brewers yeast from health food stores, or in the health food isles of supermarkets. It’s a bit cheaper to buy brewers yeast from supermarkets than from health food stores.

***While these cookies most definitely helped my milk supply it was only temporary (the more lasting affect was my ass getting bigger- these suckers are addictive so be careful.) My real saving grace came about 4 months later when I was introduced to doTERRA Essential Oils. I was told to use Basil Oil topically to assist with my milk supply. I was super skeptical as most of us would be, but IT WORKED. I wrote about it here in my other blog entry: It's a Miracle #2: Basil Oil Cured My Breastfeeding Blues.

As Paula Deen and I would say, HAPPY NURSING Y'ALL!!!

Friday, February 8, 2013

3 Questions I Would Ask My Baby IF She Could Answer Now.

I know that my child will be talking soon enough and if she's anything like me, which looks like it's going to be the case then she'll never shut up. (My husband CJ is completely thrilled by that prospect.) Even if she could talk right now I don't know if she'd be able to coherently answer the questions I have, but I sure as heck would give it a shot.

My first question would fall under the "morning routine" genre. And this is how the conversation would go or at least this is how it goes in my head:

"Baby Bean why in the world do you wake up EVERY SINGLE morning between 4:30 and 5:30 a.m.? Are you going camping? Fishing? Do you have a paper route that I should be aware of? Seriously WTF? I love you and I don't mind getting up to change your diaper, but EVERY morning? You do realize Mommy is a comedian and used to working at night so this morning thing is killing me. But because you smile as soon as I look into your eyes and say 'Good Morning Baby,' I smile and I forget for a few moments how completely sleep deprived I am."

Question number 2: How do you poop UP? Seriously, I've seen some gravity defying shit in my life, but this literally takes the cake. I don't know how you do it, but you could put David Copperfield, Cris Angel and David Blaine to shame. Are you perhaps working with NASA scientists on the side? If not you should be. I'm sure they too would like in on the way you and your poohing capabilities defy the laws of physics.

Lastly:  How is it you're a perfect angel when we're out in public. I can take you to any restaurant or event. You're  a rockstar baby on airplanes. You've won two consective "Best Baby On Board" Awards. So how is it that the times you choose to lose your mind and have a complete meltdown is when I'm on the phone on an important call?! I seriously don't get it- do you know that's your cue to act a fool? Or does Mommy's voice change and it bothers you?  I'm just curious.

I'd love an answer to any and all of these questions but alas I know none is forthcoming and I'm just going to have to chalk it up to it being a "Baby thing" and I just wouldn't understand.   

But just so you know- I love you unconditionally regardless.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Motherhood: It's A Numbers Game

4 and 1/2 the number of batches of Lactation Cookies I've made so far.

3 the number of pediatricians I've interviewed and still haven't found one that isn't a complete ding bat.

2 the number of times I've threatened to beat my husband to death with  my  My Brest Friend breast feeding pillow for saying stupid sh*t to me like "Why do you look so tired?"

2800 the number of times I've Skyped with my family in Texas (a 3000% increase since the baby was born)

4 the number of jeans sizes I've gone up since having this little darling. (Let's just say I used to be a "perfect 10".)

3 the number of breast pumps I've had my boobs on.

11 the number of different versions my husband has for the songs "The Isty Bitsy Spider"  and "Baa Baa Black Sheep"

8 the number of C batteries we've wasted on baby gear who's vibrating feature was supposed to calm her down.

0 the number of times ANY of those things has calmed her down for more than 45 seconds at a time.

73 the number of times I've exposed myself to breastfeed in odd placees i.e. the Trader Joe's parking lot, Target parking lot, The Improv Comedy Club's back seating section before a show etc... 

12 the number of hours I spend a week at lactation counseling- although to make it sound more fun I call it Baby Breastfeeding Bootcamp.

2 the number of flights I've taken with the baby and the Chihuahua all by myself.

0 the number of times I'll do that again.

4,862 the number of photos I've taken of my baby with my phone.

2 the number of times I've accidentally dropped my cell phone on my baby's head while trying to get work done. (*Okay one time I was playing Angry Birds.)

7 the  number of times I've stopped and started this blog before I was able to complete and post it.