Apparently Midwife is a BAD Word...

***So I'm in a contest for the 25 Top Mom Blogs of NY- would SO appreciate your vote ONLY a 13 days left. You don't have to give any personal info just click the button: http://www.circleofmoms.com/top25/Top-25-New-York-Moms-2012?trk=t25_Top-25-New-York-Moms-2012

I say this because as soon as I told my doctor that I had a midwife and was planning to use her. She gave me an attitude like I'd just dropped the C-bomb in her office. 

My doctor's demeanor completely changed; she went from this super-friendly lady I'd met 6 months ago to Omarosa. She didn't come right out and say, "So, Karith when did you become a traitor to the medical profession?" But she did ask me what my reasoning was. When I proclaimed that I wanted to do as natural a birth as possible, you would have thought I'd just removed my panties and peed right there on her floor (something that could have happened had I sneezed too hard - see: Didja Pee A Little?) Then to add insult to injury I said, "Plus I don't want to be shot up with Pitocin if I don't need it." Well, that was the dump on her floor heard 'round the world.

Since becoming pregnant and trying to do as much research as we could without becoming overly obsessed (which can happen) my husband CJ and I have found that there is a HUGE disparity between how women should be allowed to have babies in America and what years of medicine and the people who practice medicine want women to give birth. And what it seems to come down to is $$$ MONEY $$$ and a matter of convenience for doctors. 

It's not just my opinion- it's fact- women are NOT meant to be lying flat on their backs pushing a 6 -10lb baby out of their vaginas. The pelvis gets in the way big time and makes it harder and more painful for the body to do what it was designed to do.

We're supposed to squat or lie on our sides or contort our bodies to the most comfortable positions we can like MOST women outside of America currently do now and how women have been doing it for centuries. We're only supposed to have cesarean sections when absolutely necessary- not for convenience- the doctors or our own designer baby birthdates. 

It is MAJOR surgery meant to save either the woman's life or the life of the baby. (It also happens to be faster and more money can be made from doing them.) I'm not judging anyone who chooses to do it that way. It absolutely should be "your body, your choice"; but it's not set up that way in hospitals today.

After making dozens of calls I couldn't find ONE SINGLE hospital in NYC or SoCal that would let me a) use a birthing bar or b) have Baby Bean in water. Hence why we made the decision going to a birthing center and pay thousands of dollars out of pocket. But ironically what we're paying is still 1/4 of what the hospitals charge and the insurance pays. So you'd think from a financial standpoint insurance companies would be behind midwifery 110%. So not the case and it's SO incredibly frustrating when you really get to look at the facts and stats. 

Here's the deal: hospitals are for SICK people and EMERGENCIES - I visited them frequently as a patient while a teenager so I can speak to this. Having a baby is one of THE most natural things that can happen and if it's treated that way- not rushed because Dr. So-and-so wants to go on get to the Katy Perry concert on time or go vacay a little early. Don't get me wrong I 100% believe hospitals have their place which is why I won't be more than 15 minutes from one when Baby Bean does come into the world. 

But I don't want someone rushing me OR my baby. I don't want extra bacteria exposure (because hospitals ARE for sick people!) I don't want drugs shot into me to make my contractions come harder and faster because America's Got Talent Finals are on. I don't want florescent lights shining down on me and Baby Bean when we're trying to be as relaxed as possible. I also don't want different strangers coming in and out of my room telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing.

Not ACTUALLY Karith & CJ, but the image we hope to capture.

I want to be free to move around, to have my husband behind me, rubbing my back and loving me and cheering me on in a giant tub of warm water. (We're Cancerians- so nothing could be more soothing). I want to be comfortable and fully cognizant when I'm experiencing the most magical amazing thing I will EVER do on this planet. And I want more than anything to bring a happy healthy alert baby into the world. I pray that that isn't just my birth "plan" but reality. And I hope that everyone has or has had an equally wonderful birth experience.

"Do You Have Sharp Pains In Your Vagina Yet?"

That is the question most asked to me by several friends in the past 48 hours. My first response was, "Um, WHAT?!!" Then when I asked them to repeat the question to be sure I wasn't hearing things I said, "Why was I not told of this earlier?"...Well that answer is simple. If women knew EXACTLY what the physical side effects of being pregnant was the Earth's population would have ceased to exist centuries ago and none of us would be here- I wouldn't be writing this blog and you sure as sugar wouldn't be reading it. My last question on this topic is, "Is there a strong enough Midol prescription to cope with this?!"

If like with prescription drugs someone was to seriously list what actually happens to you when you get knocked up it would read something like: 

Getting pregnant may lead to swelling- not just of your belly, but your feet, hands, fingers and toes. Other side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, constipation, not fitting into your favorite clothes, crying for absolutely no reason whatsoever, unbelievable heartburn, insomnia, anxiety, feelings of "what the fuck am I going to do-ness",  backpain, sciatica, and lastly shooting pains in your vagina!

To be honest I'm not sure if knowing this ahead of time would have prevented me or millions of others from diving head first into motherhood. I mean this is something I've dreamed of since I was a little girl. But I would have definitely had some second thoughts. I've got a decent tolerance for pain, but there are some places you'd rather not hurt- am I right ladies?

So far the shooting pain in my Garden of Eden has not happened yet, but now that I know about it I'm waiting. Just like when you find out from a friend that a character in a book dies- you're wincing with every page turn when it starts to get ominous.

Let's all just keep a positive attitude that even if/when the pain does occur it passes quickly. And it's not something I remember again until I get to tell a newly pregnant friend to be forewarned. 

***So fyi I'm in a contest for the 25 Top Mom Blogs of NY- I would SO appreciate your vote ONLY a 10 days left. You don't have to give any personal info just click the button: http://www.circleofmoms.com/top25/Top-25-New-York-Moms-2012?trk=t25_Top-25-New-York-Moms-2012

Green Eyed Monster Monday

For every time I've said, "I don't give a s#!t" - I take it back now. Don't worry Y'all, I'm not having some internal spiritual transformation due to my impending motherhood status that is making me re-evaluate my stance on cursing OR the apathy I have toward over-dramatic people's BS. I'm still good in those areas and have no issue doing either. By nature I'm not a potty mouth so I think I'm okay with the amount I have to contribute to my mental swear jar. Plus, I'm in my 30's which means it's time to cut the "crazy maker's" from my life anyway. (Artist's Way- anyone?)

I currently regret saying, "I don't give a s#!t" on a very literal level right now because I would give just about anything to have one- take one, make one etc... Which is why this very special Green Eyed Monster Monday is brought to you by the letters "F" and "U" cause right now I am SO jealous of my husband and dog I could curse.  I love them dearly, but it seems just like with falling asleep for them these creatures that I adore can do it like clockwork. WTF?! 

Now, I've glazed over this topic a little in my post "All Stopped Up and No Way to Go" and I even dedicated a different Green Eyed Monster Monday to them on this very subject, but that was a couple months ago back when I still thought it was a little funny. It's NOT funny anymore. Now, I'm pissed. Every time CJ or Lealah relieve themselves I get more angry. 

Because that's what being constipated does. It makes you MEAN! Which makes me question with all seriousness a good number of senior citizens' and Rush Limbaugh's regularity.

I wish I was kidding, but a couple of weeks ago when my darling husband was taking one of his marathon craps I lost it. (And by the way how do guys spend half an hour + in the bathroom for that?! Even when I could go with no issue I'm in an out in 5 minutes max. I remember as a kid my father doing the same thing. What are they doing in there? Solving world peace?)

Seriously is it a testosterone thing or do women just think, "I've got too much shit to do (pun intended) other than sitting here on the pot for half the day.") Anywho, CJ's in the bathroom, doing his business, minding his business and as I walked by I just said, "I hate you!" It just rolled off my tongue, like I was saying, "Good morning" or "How are you today?" I don't know what happened, but I couldn't help it. He heard me say something but couldn't discern my contempt so I played it off saying something like, "I found you!" Y'all that is not the woman he married! Deep breaths.

I realize this is part of the process and I've just got to roll, but if this is "our" pregnancy shouldn't we be sharing in all the fun?!

Guest Post: Consolidating Efforts for a Healthy Delivery

I am so pleased to introduce my first guest blogger- Ms. Katie Moore. Please keep reading this incredibly informative article on having a healthy delivery.

Expecting moms can sometimes find themselves constantly battling a steep learning curve of medical jargon, research, best practices, and treatment options during pregnancy. It can be a lot to absorb, especially with so many preparations to make for the big day and weeks of bonding with baby afterwards. Fortunately, there are some easy ways to consolidate many of the preparation activities, so that precious time and energy don’t have to be parsed between each one.

At Least Two Classes
Pregnancy and childbirth classes offer several benefits. Choosing the instructor wisely will give mom access to research-based information on many topics related to pregnancy. Besides just getting this information, most pregnancy classes are geared toward learning how to put it into practice. Meditation, breathing and exercise routines have all been proven beneficial, and classes will give mom the confidence to apply these to having a healthy pregnancy and childbirth. Most pregnancy classes run for several weeks or months can also be a great opportunity to socialize with other moms and learn from the experiences of others.

The other necessary class should be offered by the health provider and will take place in the clinic or hospital prior to birth. Childbirth classes are an excellent way to relieve anxiety by becoming familiar with staff, facilities, and policies. Standard procedures often are not discussed in the regular check-ups, and some moms end up regretting now having become familiar with these. Circumcision, vaccinations, cord blood banking and the other procedures commonly performed just after birth should be learned about and consciously chosen by mom, or opted out of. Optional procedures, like labor induction, may also be discussed.


 
Yoga for Pregnancy
There has been a lot of research done on the benefits of meditation, and it can be a powerful way to reduce reliance on pain medications, reduce risk of complications, and keep baby in excellent health throughout the pregnancy. Combining it with aerobic exercise in the form of yoga is a great way to get the benefits of both while saving time. If classes are not offered nearby, there are yoga for pregnancy videos available. Sharing these with a friend, or using a full-length mirror, can help ensure postures are performed correctly.

Asking questions and getting trustworthy answers is a major part of preparing for childbirth. The right mix of classes can help overcome the learning curve and give new mothers a sense of confidence otherwise unavailable. The use of meditation and exercise have both been shown to be effective at increasing the chance of a happy delivery with a lower risk of complications. The application of research-based knowledge relieves anxiety on delivery day!

This article was written by Katie Moore. Katie is an active writer within the blogging community who discusses maternity, motherhood, prenatal health, childbirth and other topics within this niche. If you have any questions or would like to connect with Katie please contact by visiting her blog, Moore From Katie or her twitter @moorekm26.

Pregnancy Bonus? Say What?!

I am ALL about the bonus structure. I like bonus gifts when you win something, bonus points on a game, even bonus questions on a test (yes, I am that nerdy). So you know darn well that I like the bonuses that come from carrying the "Little Bean" around in my bel-bel. Yes, there are SO many things to bitch and moan about that come with the pregnancy package, but I'd like to take this blog entry to talk about some of the highlights or, if you will, the "Pregnancy Bonuses."  Now, you may be saying,  "Karith- you're still so early on how do you even know about this? I mean you're not really even showing!"

 Which brings up the excellent question: What do you do when you don't look pregnant? Answer: Helloooo! You tell everyone & their grandmother so you get the "bonuses".  I don't mean go around with a bull horn proclaiming it to the world unless that's your style. 'Course, I suppose you could start a blog about it-I'm not gonna judge. ;-) But  the idea is to obviously share with the people you love first and secondly with the people who can hook you up. Now understand- the latter group of people will most likely consist of complete strangers. But they're the best ones and they usually just feel good doing something nice for a random pregnant woman.

Let's discuss some of these bonuses shall we? One of the best bonuses that we all should acknowledge is that people are WAY more forgiving of you if you have "pregnancy brain" moreso than if you're just a plain space cadet. Trust me, I've done some stupid flighty stuff the past few weeks- i.e keeping an e-mail in draft form then getting mad  because the recipients hadn't responded. (See more @ "Baby Brain Blogettes"). This isn't just an excuse for being daft- something with your hormones and chemicals in your brain causes mini sometimes major "flake-outs"

 Other bonuses include eating out and getting a touch more of what you ask for- OR if you have an odd request  having it granted without people batting an eye. Say for example at Chipotle- the place I would marry if it was legal to marry an establishment (and of course if I wasn't already married)- I just drop that I'm eating for two and gone are any chinsey portions in my burrito bowl of sour cream, salsa or chicken. Same goes for when you ask for a slightly altered dish at a restaurant- especially at a place that doesn't like to stray from it's exact menu or "do substitutions". If you just apologize for the inconvenience and say, "I wouldn't normally ask for this, but this BABY (point at your abdomen then add a belly rub for effect) is giving me the craziest cravings." By law- Nature's Law of "Not Being a D!€k" They cannot say NO. Even the coldest of waiters will oblige you.
One of my favorite bonuses is that you're not allowed to lift heavy things anymore OR reach up high. So my husband now gets to take the wet laundry and hang it on the line. (When we're in CA we're VERY green). 

 AND now I get to ask some cute young guy (if my hubby's absent) on the airplane to help me store and reclaim my luggage from the overhead compartment. So far people have only been so happy to do so.


So ladies who are in the same boat- the message here is EMBRACE YOUR PREGNANCY as this is just the beginning of some REALLY good stuff to come. And people who are dealing with said ladies, BE NICE. I understand you didn't knock us up, but this is a wonderful, but taxing time in our lives so indulging in little bonuses like the ones I mentioned above can make our day and/or ward off a crying fit that can come on for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

P.S. If you like this and other of my blog entries please vote for me as I've been nominated for a Top 25 Mom Blog of NY. You can vote everyday for the next 10 days here: 

 http://www.circleofmoms.com/top25/Top-25-New-York-Moms-2012?trk=t25_Top-25-New-York-Moms-2012

Who's That Mean Girl in the Mirror?

Somehow someway in the past few weeks I've gone from Miss Congeniality to the Wicked Witch of the West, East, North and South. As someone originally from the South and having spent ample time on the East Coast, Mid-West and now West Coast I do feel I can claim all of those territories as my own. And at this point if anyone tries to stop me I will snatch a patch of hair out of their head so fast they won't know what hit them. I supposed what I'm saying is that in a matter of just a few short weeks I've gone from Snow-fricken' White to a Bad Ass Honey Badger. That's right- 'cause I don't care. I don't give a s#!t! Okay, that's not entirely true, but let's just say I have my moments. Or as I prefer to call them my "hormone surges". Although I am true to my emotional Cancerian roots, I'm more sensitive than moody. So this is new for me 'cause I've never been one of those women who dreaded my monthly visit from Aunt Flo. Sure every few months I get a little testy and cry at Kleenex commercials but nothing like this! I don't have a short fuse- I just don't have a fuse.  This is so very odd for me 'cause despite living most of the time in hectic frantic city in the world- NYC and being in (the ironically self-loathing) business of stand-up comedy I'm usually in a good mood 93.7% of the time. Not an exaggeration. That IS, well, was the honest to goodness truth! So much so I even put that on my on-line dating profile. I'm sure along w/ my photo that was an attractive feature to my husband. Poor bastard!