An Orgasmic Birth? Um, Yeah, I'll Have What She's Having!

With the due date of my baby steadily creeping up. I've been inundated with checking things off my MUST DO/ MUST HAVE list. Found a pediatrician I'm in love with. Check. Been accumulating cloth diapers and accessories. Check. Secured a midwife and birthing center. Check. If you read my previous post Apparently Midwife is a Bad Word, then you know my husband CJ and I are planning to go as natural a route a possible with Baby Bean's arrival. That means ideally there will be no hospitalization, doctors, forceps, vacuums, IV drips or needles i.e. EPIDURALS involved. 

I've had plenty of needles in my life for allergy shots and blood tests etc, but is that not the scariest f*#king thing you've ever seen?

Now keep in mind this is my first kid- and I'm still a bit weary. I'm not gonna lie. Since I've not had the experience of squeezing something the size of a small watermelon out of a hole the size of a lemon I'm a touch nervous. I do not have ANY reference whatsoever to the pain that will most likely be involved. 

But I really want to go the no drug route for my sake and Baby Bean's. I have no doubt that it will be better for both of us. So I plan to get my relaxation, meditation, and "Hypnobirthing" on... See, I've been doing my research. Which is actually why I had to write about this as soon as I heard about it: Orgasmic Births! (I kid you not.)

As far as I know- none of my friends have had one- at least they haven't shared if they did. But there are women out there who would swear on a stack of O Magazines that they've experienced the sensation of an orgasm while giving birth. That may creep some people out, but grow up- it's not sexual, just as breast feeding your little one ISN'T sexual. 

From what I gather it's just this warm tingling feeling that permeates your whole body and releases the "feel good" chemicals that come with the "Big O". But since it's never happened to me  (the orgasmic birth not the Big O), but fingers crossed it does, I don't know if it's fact or fiction. But IF there is even the slightest possibility that I can feel that much pleasure from this magical but otherwise extremely uncomfortable experience- sign me up 'cause I'm ALL for it. Who the heck wouldn't be?!

Apparently Midwife is a BAD Word...

***So I'm in a contest for the 25 Top Mom Blogs of NY- would SO appreciate your vote ONLY a 13 days left. You don't have to give any personal info just click the button: http://www.circleofmoms.com/top25/Top-25-New-York-Moms-2012?trk=t25_Top-25-New-York-Moms-2012

I say this because as soon as I told my doctor that I had a midwife and was planning to use her. She gave me an attitude like I'd just dropped the C-bomb in her office. 

My doctor's demeanor completely changed; she went from this super-friendly lady I'd met 6 months ago to Omarosa. She didn't come right out and say, "So, Karith when did you become a traitor to the medical profession?" But she did ask me what my reasoning was. When I proclaimed that I wanted to do as natural a birth as possible, you would have thought I'd just removed my panties and peed right there on her floor (something that could have happened had I sneezed too hard - see: Didja Pee A Little?) Then to add insult to injury I said, "Plus I don't want to be shot up with Pitocin if I don't need it." Well, that was the dump on her floor heard 'round the world.

Since becoming pregnant and trying to do as much research as we could without becoming overly obsessed (which can happen) my husband CJ and I have found that there is a HUGE disparity between how women should be allowed to have babies in America and what years of medicine and the people who practice medicine want women to give birth. And what it seems to come down to is $$$ MONEY $$$ and a matter of convenience for doctors. 

It's not just my opinion- it's fact- women are NOT meant to be lying flat on their backs pushing a 6 -10lb baby out of their vaginas. The pelvis gets in the way big time and makes it harder and more painful for the body to do what it was designed to do.

We're supposed to squat or lie on our sides or contort our bodies to the most comfortable positions we can like MOST women outside of America currently do now and how women have been doing it for centuries. We're only supposed to have cesarean sections when absolutely necessary- not for convenience- the doctors or our own designer baby birthdates. 

It is MAJOR surgery meant to save either the woman's life or the life of the baby. (It also happens to be faster and more money can be made from doing them.) I'm not judging anyone who chooses to do it that way. It absolutely should be "your body, your choice"; but it's not set up that way in hospitals today.

After making dozens of calls I couldn't find ONE SINGLE hospital in NYC or SoCal that would let me a) use a birthing bar or b) have Baby Bean in water. Hence why we made the decision going to a birthing center and pay thousands of dollars out of pocket. But ironically what we're paying is still 1/4 of what the hospitals charge and the insurance pays. So you'd think from a financial standpoint insurance companies would be behind midwifery 110%. So not the case and it's SO incredibly frustrating when you really get to look at the facts and stats. 

Here's the deal: hospitals are for SICK people and EMERGENCIES - I visited them frequently as a patient while a teenager so I can speak to this. Having a baby is one of THE most natural things that can happen and if it's treated that way- not rushed because Dr. So-and-so wants to go on get to the Katy Perry concert on time or go vacay a little early. Don't get me wrong I 100% believe hospitals have their place which is why I won't be more than 15 minutes from one when Baby Bean does come into the world. 

But I don't want someone rushing me OR my baby. I don't want extra bacteria exposure (because hospitals ARE for sick people!) I don't want drugs shot into me to make my contractions come harder and faster because America's Got Talent Finals are on. I don't want florescent lights shining down on me and Baby Bean when we're trying to be as relaxed as possible. I also don't want different strangers coming in and out of my room telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing.

Not ACTUALLY Karith & CJ, but the image we hope to capture.

I want to be free to move around, to have my husband behind me, rubbing my back and loving me and cheering me on in a giant tub of warm water. (We're Cancerians- so nothing could be more soothing). I want to be comfortable and fully cognizant when I'm experiencing the most magical amazing thing I will EVER do on this planet. And I want more than anything to bring a happy healthy alert baby into the world. I pray that that isn't just my birth "plan" but reality. And I hope that everyone has or has had an equally wonderful birth experience.