An Orgasmic Birth? Um, Yeah, I'll Have What She's Having!

With the due date of my baby steadily creeping up. I've been inundated with checking things off my MUST DO/ MUST HAVE list. Found a pediatrician I'm in love with. Check. Been accumulating cloth diapers and accessories. Check. Secured a midwife and birthing center. Check. If you read my previous post Apparently Midwife is a Bad Word, then you know my husband CJ and I are planning to go as natural a route a possible with Baby Bean's arrival. That means ideally there will be no hospitalization, doctors, forceps, vacuums, IV drips or needles i.e. EPIDURALS involved. 

I've had plenty of needles in my life for allergy shots and blood tests etc, but is that not the scariest f*#king thing you've ever seen?

Now keep in mind this is my first kid- and I'm still a bit weary. I'm not gonna lie. Since I've not had the experience of squeezing something the size of a small watermelon out of a hole the size of a lemon I'm a touch nervous. I do not have ANY reference whatsoever to the pain that will most likely be involved. 

But I really want to go the no drug route for my sake and Baby Bean's. I have no doubt that it will be better for both of us. So I plan to get my relaxation, meditation, and "Hypnobirthing" on... See, I've been doing my research. Which is actually why I had to write about this as soon as I heard about it: Orgasmic Births! (I kid you not.)

As far as I know- none of my friends have had one- at least they haven't shared if they did. But there are women out there who would swear on a stack of O Magazines that they've experienced the sensation of an orgasm while giving birth. That may creep some people out, but grow up- it's not sexual, just as breast feeding your little one ISN'T sexual. 

From what I gather it's just this warm tingling feeling that permeates your whole body and releases the "feel good" chemicals that come with the "Big O". But since it's never happened to me  (the orgasmic birth not the Big O), but fingers crossed it does, I don't know if it's fact or fiction. But IF there is even the slightest possibility that I can feel that much pleasure from this magical but otherwise extremely uncomfortable experience- sign me up 'cause I'm ALL for it. Who the heck wouldn't be?!

The XXX Factor

And no, I'm not talking about the 30th Olympics. I'm talking about something that's probably happened to ALL of us at least once in our lives. But it happens A LOT more at night when you're deep in sleep and your pregnancy hormones take a hold.  Not that you really get THAT much sleep with you're this far along. Hello, it's hard to find a comfortable position, Baby is moving around like they're auditioning for the fetal version of America's Got Talent, and you get hot flashes like your middle-aged high school math teacher who's always sipping on her ice coffee that's WAY more ice than coffee.

I'll warn you now, if you’re a prude you may want to skip this blog entry. ‘Cause I’m going to air some truly dirty laundry. The good news is I know I’m not the only one, but I don’t know how many women will freely share about this. Since becoming pregnant I have been having some FREAKY dreams and I don’t mean I dream that I’m walking down the street and halfway down the road a talking unicorn shows up and offers me a lift to the Macy’s One Day sale. (Although that would be awesome.)

 I mean I’ve been having Rick James type of freaky, Too Short, Prince (before he was a Jehovah's Witness) type of freaky dreams. Where sometimes my husband is there, sometimes he’s not- sometimes there's another girl (I knowah!) but there’s ALWAYS a lack of clothes- usually mine and that someone else’s. I won't go into any more detail 'cause this is a "family friendly" blog. But feel free to use your imagination.  

I don’t know why I’m having these incredibly intense sexual dreams- is it the hormones? Is it my mind preparing me for the “little break” I’m going to have to take after birth- so it’s getting it all in now. I don’t know, but sometimes I wake up flushed. Sometimes I wake up a little embarrassed that I was SO uninhibited. But I always wake with a smile on my face!