All Stopped Up and No Way to Go

You ever hear of that children's book "Everyone Poops"? Well, I'm here to counter that book/statement with a resounding, "No- no they f*cking don't!"

Not everyone poops- at least not when they want to. Right now, I unfortunately rank at the top of that list and I can't really take anything for it except more water, exercise, veggies & fiber which I'm doing but sometimes all that does is make me a human whoopee cushion- (see "Just call me Gaseous Clay" entry). Now granted, I didn't start off as the most "regular" individual- but now it's like I'm in the Mohave Desert of bowel movements. Take my normal frequency then add the extra iron from the prenatal pills and the folic acid ('cause one can never be too careful) and voila- what do you get? A woman who if she came across a genie in a bottle would use one of those three incredibly valuable wishes to Cleanse. My. Colon. No s#!t.