Thursday, April 12, 2012

What is HE Going to Do when the Baby Comes?!

The HE I'm referring to is of course my darling husband CJ. Even though the arrival of our baby is a couple of seasons away I've been thinking about this more & more. One situation in particular started this spiral of worry. Let me give you some background. I am married to an Australian. If there is anything to know about Aussie men it's that they are viral and proud almost to a fault. My husband fits the bill, but is a far cry from a machismo a-hole. That being said, CJ thinks "man-scaping" is for punks, calling yourself a "metrosexual" means you're really two cocktails away (pun intended) from being a homosexual, and let's just acknowledge that the last three dogs he owned were Rottweilers. Sweet and loving dogs but VERY masculine. Since we split our time between California and New York but have been in NYC as of late CJ has only recently begun walking my 7lb. Chihuahua, Lealah, around our Manhattan neighborhood by himself. It was a hugely successful feat on my part to convince him during his solo mission that people would not doubt his sexuality- especially when it's chilly enough for my pooch to wear a sweater from her extensive wardrobe. Part 1 of this 2-part hurdle down. The area that needs some work is that CJ refuses to pick up my Chihuahua's pooh because- get this- it freaks him out. Mind you not cleaning up after your dog is completely illegal and punishable by fines up to $1,000 in NYC. 
But he's found a way to side wind his adorable Aussie self around it. He gets Lealah to relieve herself in this one particular spot that's part grass/part gravel/part someone's empty lot/private parking area- and the way it's situated there's actually no pedestrian traffic at all. Seriously, you would have to be half 3 Stooge half Tracy Morgan to step in this shit (literally).

 Some of you may be thinking: So?! What's the big deal? Well, it ticks me off for a few reasons: One it feels like he's shirking off his civic duties. (Someone was obviously a Brownie, Girl Scout and all around Goodie Two-Shoes.) Number two (no pun intended this time) I can't get my dog to pooh in this spot every time. In fact, in the almost 4 years since this dog has been alive and in my possesion she's pooped there maybe ONCE for me- and I still picked it up. He claims they (he & the dog) have an "agreement" (I'm also now sensing some jealousy on my part). I just keep thinking is if this were a cat / liter box situation both me and my baby would be dead from Toxoplasmosis! But lastly- my biggest concern of all is- if my 6-foot-4 knight in shining armor is SO skeeved out by picking up the .09 ounces of waste from an adorable Chihuahua what in the world is going to happen when our darling infant has fecal Armageddon in it's diapers? I'll tell you right now I'm already (albeit willingly) sacrificing my breasts for this kid. I am NOT risking complete loss of my sense of smell because Crocodile Dun-skeeve doesn't want to change a diaper or assault his senses of touch or smell. He says it will be different with the baby and he'll be fine. I pray for his sake he's right 'cause if I catch him outside holding our baby over the spot where Lealah goes it ain't gonna be pretty.

1 comment:

  1. Hmm... should be interesting. I understand the anxiety. Keep us posted about this one!