iPotty??? Ummm, How About iCan't.

So this being a new mommy is wild stuff. I'm doing things I had no idea I was capable of like exercising unconditional patience during teething & sleep-fighting tantrums. I'm pulling out all the stops to breastfeed (See The Best Damn Lactation Cookies You'll Ever Eat.)
  

I've also now been relegated from watching popular adult shows like Breaking Bad on Netflix to Sesame Street and Yo Gabba Gabba. I think it's safe to say life for me has changed pretty drastically. And as much as I miss my old wake up time of 10am- I am acclimating to 6:30/7:30am.  

So I make myself clear I'm not bitching about any of these changes. I couldn't be happier to be a mom. My point was to get across that motherhood is a serious commitment and MAJOR life change. Like the majority of moms out there I'm am doing as good a job as I can to the best of my ability which includes reading as many books, blogs and parenting magazines as I can get my hands on, having pow-wows with all of my friends who are also mothers and last but not least staying up on all the latest baby trends and technology. 

But the other day one of my best friends and mother of 3 whose youngest is just 2 months older than Baby Bean posted this on her Facebook page.

The iPotty

Initially I thought it was a joke, because like me she has a bit of a twisted sense of humor. Then I clicked on the link and it lead me to this Amazon.com page. Not only is this item real but it's been on back order a several times. I shit you not! (Pun totally intended.) What I love most though were the comments people posted. Some hysterically mocking the product while others are unabashedly defending their right and reasoning for purchasing it. Either way it'll give you a laugh. 

But like me, it should also make you think about how far you will go to please, entertain, encourage, and "train" your child. Never say never, but right now my response to the iPotty is iCan't! 
 

My Child, A Future NASCAR Driver...WTF?!!!

So I've had some pretty ludicrous conversations with my husband in our relatively short time together. I am a comedian and he's Australian- 'nough said. I'll be the first person to say comics are odd birds and anyone who knows and loves an Aussie understands that this group of people are typically very often lacking in the filter department. Intelligence aside, they can let stuff slip out of their mouths that if it were a visual thing you'd do a double take. 

What I find fascinating is that some of the most absurd conversations have occurred the past few weeks since "our" pregnancy has gone into full swing. A few of these conversations have been covered in this blog from our "Baby Naming Debates" to "S#!T One Should NEVER Say to One's Pregnant Wife".  A classic conversation last week revolved CJ suggesting that we NEVER have a diaper touch our baby's bottom. (I kid you not!) I truly couldn't make this up if I wanted to. I've been wanting to blog about this, but every time I think about it I just shake my head in disbelief. 

Now, in my husband's defense, I appreciate his desire to a) be GREEN and b) fiscally responsible. But THAT is why we're doing G-Diapers or some kind of fabulous earth friendly cloth diapers.  

Now the other thing in my husband's defense is that this was NOT an original thought of his own. (Thank God!) The brother-in-law of the Russian Super-model mom I talked about in my blog "Ah! The Joys of Little Boys" informed CJ during one of their male bonding visits that this woman, his sister-in-law from the former USSR, NEVER once used diapers on her boys- EVER! When he first told me this I called bullshit! 

There's no way any baby in the Western world in today's society has gone diaperless their entire babyhood. But CJ swore up and down it was a Russian thing- and I just didn't understand. So he kept challenging me to call her and see what the trick was so our baby could be just as well trained. I was like, "I don't have to call her because I know what you're saying is INSANE!". Well, they finally caught up with one another on Facebook and it was revealed that although Miss Russia's boys were potty trained early they still wore diapers through at least their sixth month. Told ya so! RIDICULOUS!

Well, the conversation tonight went from the ridiculous to the sublime. We just finished watching the NBA Finals (Poor Oklahoma City Thunder- they got served!) and there was a commercial for ESPN and all sorts of sports. I commented on how happy I'd be if our child played soccer or basketball or even danced- (football is off the table as both of us feel it's just too high a risk for head injuries). It was then that CJ, who is a motorcycle and motocross enthusiast, says, "Or racing." He then tells me about how one of his best friends who's also mad about motocross is looking to buy his son a go-kart. This child is 7 MONTHS OLD!!! He's just barely mastered sitting up by himself.  CJ was like, "I should do that for our baby." (Insert double take here!) 

I was being a smart ass when I said, "Do you have any idea what that could lead too?! You want our baby in NASCAR?!" And that illicited this response:

CJ: "You know, that would be pretty incredible! Do you have ANY idea how badly NASCAR is looking to have a Black driver?! Hello Ca-ching! And if we have a girl?!! Are you kidding me a FEMALE BLACK NASCAR driver! That's like printing money! AND she'd be beautiful!!! Forget about it. I'm going to look on-line for go-karts now."

That's when I excused myself from the conversation- or just stopped listening however you'd like to envision me tuning out and started writing this blog entry- aka my therapy.

God help us all. Especially little Baby Bean.