At Least I Don't Have Hemorrhoids...

I know, I know that is not the most positive way to start out a blog entry...but after getting less than 2 hours collectively of sleep last night I'm grasping for whatever tidbits of positivity I can to make myself feel better. 'Cause today I'm bloody shot,  as they say. I've always prided myself on being someone who not only sees the glass half full, but appreciates that it is glass and not some crappy plastic cup from a bar that's contaminated with BPA. But it's taking A LOT to keep my chin up right now.

I have already called my mother crying a) because she gets it and she's only 1 hour behind me in Texas b) because my husband CJ is 3 hours behind me in California right now and most likely still asleep. But not to worry I've got enough tears stored up so I can cry to him later when he's fully awake and can appreciate my misery without being groggy. (Um, where's the fun in bitching to someone who's half-asleep?)

I think what annoys me most is that just a few days ago I was bragging to anyone who would listen about great I was doing. I truly was on this incredible feel good streak. I was almost high. I kept thinking, "this pregnancy thing isn't so bad." I was taking on the NYC subway stairs like a champ, running around town performing, having brunch and going to weddings just outside of the City in New Jersey with no pain or swollen extremities. Now just 72 hours later that seems like a distant memory. What really doesn't help is that it's hot, overcast and there's about 95% humidity. Hello?! When the heck did NYC become New Orleans?

What really is scaring the hell out of me right now are my friends- and I use that word loosely- who now are like, "Well you think it sucks now, just wait until the 9th month. You're really going to be miserable." Well, fan-f*cking-tastic! Thanks ladies!

I guess all I can do is do what I do best, try not to wallow in it, remember that this is a temporary state and that the outcome will be SO worth it, and of course I must find the humor in it! That right there is the key to life, right? And it could be worse, I could have hemorrhoids! But I don't so I'm going to count my blessings and be grateful that at least I can still sit and poop like a regular person.

*Just an FYI  DO NOT Google hemorrhoid images. It is NOT a pretty picture! 

Also I am currently in a contest for the 25 Top Mom Blogs of NY- I would SO appreciate your vote ONLY a 9 days left. You don't have to give any personal info just click the button by my name from this link: http://www.circleofmoms.com/top25/Top-25-New-York-Moms-2012?trk=t25_Top-25-New-York-Moms-2012

The Pregnancy Card...and When to Pull It

While I am someone who is all about special treatment especially in the form of gifts like freebies, swag bags and bonuses. I've never been someone who gets them by playing on someone else's guilt. Even when it might be appropriate to do so. I've also never in my life played "the race card" or the "woman card". Sure racism and sexism exist, but my theory is that if I don't set myself up to be a victim of that BS then that greatly minimizes the chances of it happening to me. Not saying that hasn't happened to me, and when it has in the infinite wisdom and profoundness of In Living Color's Homey D. Clown, "Homey don't play that!" 



But at 33 weeks pregnant with sore swollen feet the size of Andre the Giant's I don't give a damn about making someone be nice to me or give me something to remedy my discomfort. 

Sometimes, like when I'm in the subway I subtly start to rub my belly. Which because I'm still not  that big has prompted more than one person to ask me if I had a stomach ache. (Please see my blog entry: I'm Not Fat I'm Pregnant!". I then say politely, "No, I'm not sick, I'm 7 months pregnant." They usually react with surprise and then say something along the lines of "Wow- you look really good for being pregnant." While my outside voice smiles and says in the innocent Southern drawl I can pull up instantaneously "Oh, thank you. That's so sweet!" My inner voice, the New Yorker of the past 15 years says, "Yeah, yeah yeah! Now will you please get your fat ass up and give me your seat- in fact I could use the entire row so that I can put my Fred Flintstone looking feet up."

 What I used to think of as cheating, like going to the front of the line, is now more acceptable to me now that I'm in this "more fragile" state. And if I was back in SoCal right now and I had a handicapped sign to hang from my rear view mirror I WOULD! Without ANY guilt if it meant I was closer to my destination. I don't feel this makes me a bad person. Just a person who for the first time in her life is putting her and her baby's needs before those of others. I've never done that before.

So what I'm really saying ladies- is that you're only pregnant for 9 months. And while it is an awesome incredible miraculous time in your like it can also be miserable on several levels so you milk that special treatment for all you can Girlfriend! 'Cause before you know it it's gonna be over! 

Just an FYI I am in a contest for the 25 Top Mom Blogs of NY- I would SO appreciate your vote ONLY a 10 days left. You don't have to give any personal info just click the button by my name from this link: http://www.circleofmoms.com/top25/Top-25-New-York-Moms-2012?trk=t25_Top-25-New-York-Moms-2012