Uh-Oh! The Big 4-0!!!

Sadly, I'm not talking about my age- although I do plan on being a fabulous 40 when that time comes. Y'all what I am talking about is what no woman enjoys confessing...to ANYONE. The 40 I'm referring to is the amount of weight I've gained so far in my pregnancy. Did it hurt anyone else to read that as much as it hurt to write? 

Now, if I'd started out at 100lbs I don't think I'd feel nearly as self-conscious. But let's be real, I don't think it matters what weight you start out at- 40lbs is 40lbs! You're feelin' it and seeing it. Think about it this way 40lbs is half freakin' Olsen Twin! 

I know it's not the end of the world and I'm not going to get all crazy and start crash dieting. I get it, I'm growing another human being inside of me - this happens. I mean look at Jessica Simpson.

 

Even Jenny McCarthy said she gained close to 70lbs when she was prego. 

Jenny was cool enough to Tweet this pic to Jessica Simpson when people were giving her sh*t for her weight gain.

I always knew this was a possibility, but it's one of those things where you're like, "Sure it happens, but it's not going to happen to ME!" WRONG!

Me and my cousin Brenda after I headlined at Caroline's on Broadway last week

Well, now that it has I just have to deal. I have to eat really right and not give in to as many cravings as I've had. AND since I was just informed by my doctor that I need to watch my salt intake (due to my swelling from Edema) sodium is off the menu. However, that diagnosis leads me to believe that it IS entirely possible that I'm carrying 35 pounds of water weight! Right???!!!

P.S. Also I am currently in a contest for the 25 Top Mom Blogs of NY- I would SO appreciate your vote ONLY a 7 days left. You don't have to give any personal info just click the button by my name from this link: 

 http://www.circleofmoms.com/top25/Top-25-New-York-Moms-2012?trk=t25_Top-25-New-York-Moms-2012

"Didja Pee A Little?"

I wish I could say that was a cute little camp song that I can't get out of my head now that summer is upon us. But alas, it is not. It is what my husband, CJ, says to me not once, not twice, but countless times a day. What makes it all the more tragic is that when I say "yes" he laughs- lovingly and I hope sympathetically, but he still gets a giggle from it.

That is because in conjunction with summer comes hay fever which translates into LOTS of sneezing for me. And now thanks to whatever powers that be, I pee myself a little -- about 90% of the time I sneeze. 

 
Fortunately it's not noticable, I mean I don't look like poor Fergie during a Black Eyed Pea concert or anything, but I KNOW what just happened and that's enough.

You have no idea how I wish this was just a bit for my comedy act, but it's freakin' true. It's also another thing my loving "already-mommy" friends neglected to share with me. Sure they told me that AFTER the baby is born things "down stairs" won't be the exact same as they were PB (pre-baby), but NO ONE told me this s#!t was going to start before the kid popped out.

I literally now carry a spare change of panties in my purse- just in case. Before this was something I did only when traveling just in case my luggage was lost. (BTW that's an awesome tip for anyone who has ever to check luggage. It's also wise to carry-on an extra bra too- 'cause you never know when the airlines are going to F- it up. Just like peeing yourself it happens when you least expect it!)

Now, I look at ads for products like Poise that Whoopi Goldberg does and I'm like, "Um, Jessica Simpson or Tori Spelling should really be one of their spokesmodels- that would be just as realistic and it wouldn't make women like me who aren't menopausal yet feel bad. And I do feel bad- I feel like I should be able to control it, but I can't. I dread sneezing, but I can't hold them in especially when it's triggered by allergies.

Yes, it's TRUE Brook Burke and I now have something in common

The ONLY thing that does make me feel better is knowing that women who look amazing, have had tons of kids and seem to have it all- like say Brooke Burke- every time she coughs uncontrollably, laughs too hard or screams "Ah-choo" she has without a doubt peed herself a little too.

I'll be honest that definitely helps me sleep at night.

Is Jessica Simpson an Elephant Or Is it Just Me?

Now before anyone gets all huffy I am NOT at all making a dig at her weight gain. I personally think those people who mocked or made fun of her in the media are jackasses and over-glorified bullies. Not that I’m the biggest Jessica Simpson fan in the world, but I do think she was absolutely gorgeous while she was prego. She glowed, as you're supposed to in that state and, yeah, sure, she put on about 50-60 lbs, but so-freakin’-what! A) You know it’s going to come off because she’s a celebrity that still HAS celebrity and shit to promote and B) Rumor is she’s got some serious motivation in the form of a several million dollar deal from Weight Watchers. So my comparing her to an elephant has nothing to do with her size, but rather how long this chick was pregnant. If you’re a National Geographic-head like me or you’re just up on your knowledge of Pachyderms then you know that elephants gestate for a good 22 months. See the connection! I mean is it me or doesn’t it feel like we’ve been hearing about Jessica Simpson being pregnant since fall of 2010?! I know it’s not her fault- I blame the media and her father Joe Simpson. I’m not saying it’s right but I am guilty of a little schadenfreude when it comes to the Simpson girls (Jessica and Ashlee) and the circumstances surrounding their natal-ness. I just think it’s so ironically fitting that Joe Simpson, a former Christian youth minister, has not one, but two daughters who got knocked up before they got married. I swear I’m not judging, but it just reeks of hypocrisy and irony. 

I'm seriously not judging. In today's day and age it's almost the norm (esp. if you're a celebrity) to get pregnant then get married same goes for when the clock is ticking for us over-30 moms. I just barely squeaked in as legal. My baby's due date is EXACTLY 9 months after my wedding date. So I just want to say congrats to Jessica and What's-His-Name on the birthday yesterday of their daughter Maxwell Drew. (Don't even get me started on the name.) Can't wait to see the spread in People magazine.

***So fyi I'm in a contest for the 25 Top Mom Blogs of NY- I would SO appreciate your vote ONLY a 10 days left. You don't have to give any personal info just click the button: http://www.circleofmoms.com/top25/Top-25-New-York-Moms-2012?trk=t25_Top-25-New-York-Moms-2012