Just Don't Ask...

There are rules about what you can and cannot ask women. Well, technically you can ask a woman anything. Just keep in mind that what you ask and how you ask it is telling of your upbringing and your level of couthe.

Back in the day the basic no-no's were you never asked a woman's age or her weight. Today those no-no's still exist, but it has expanded to topics like: Is her hair is really hers? (btw we're talking the hair on her head or eyelashes) Does she get botox? Are her boobs real? Is that an Adam's Apple? You guys feel me. You can assume the hell out of someone, but it is TACKY TACKY TACKY to actually vocalize it. 

Now, especially considering my current state of being I think it goes without saying that you NEVER E.V.E.R. ask a woman when she's due- 'cause just like you never know what's really going on in someone else's relationship you NEVER know what's going on under someone's shirt. 

That is because:
a) some women just have bloated days every now and then (Hello! Been there done that!) 

b) some women are skinny, but happen to have "bird bodies" as my great-uncle used to say

c) some women have 1 major "problem area" and it happens to be their belly

d) some women are just overweight and you can't tell period

e) some women have already had a baby and just not bounced back yet- or ever

So the general rule of thumb is: Unless you actually see a head crowning from a vagina you say NOTHING unless something is said to you. Which leads me to believe or at least want to believe that's why so few people have offered me their seat on a crowded subway in NYC. That may be my Texas "Pollyanna" side coming out, but I'd like to think they're not being cold callous New Yorkers, they just don't want to  offend me in case I'm having a "fat day." 'Cause I'll be real, even at 8 months prego I still have days where I look less pregnant and more like I just REALLY like bread. Yes, it's a blessing and curse.

Where Is My Bump, My Bump My Lovely Lady Lump???

Sorry if you’ve got that Fergilicious song in your head now- if it’s any consolation it’s in mine too. What I can't believe is that I'm writing about this so far into my pregnancy. I'm officially 28 weeks and I still don't really "look" pregnant. I know I've written about this before, but that was several weeks ago when in my mind it was still okay to be in “prego-limbo land”. But now when all of the mommy websites I go to talk about my protruding belly and my whacked out belly button I just look in the mirror and sigh.

Don’t get me wrong I’ve gotten bigger- no question, but I don’t have that cute little baby bump. I just look like I really like bread. Or as my darling husband CJ has said, that I‘ve been frequenting the buffet a little too often. (He’s a charmer!)

I suppose the good news is that I’ve not really had to buy “maternity clothes.” Sure, I’ve picked up a few looser fitting things at the GAP outlet- some sleeveless tops and a couple of long skirts and I purchased bras a cup and size bigger. But my clothes from when I was heavier a couple of years ago are fitting perfectly.

It’s just odd now being this far along and still having to TELL people I’m pregnant. In the beginning it was kind of fun and cool, but the novelty has worn off. Now I feel like people are like, “That girl’s just a chubster- who is she kidding?” I suppose I could take it as a compliment. When I tell most people how far along I am their response is usually, “Wow- you don’t look like it.” And that makes the worry wart in me come out and I start thinking “Is my baby too small, what the heck’s going on?!”

So deep breaths, I’m gonna chill and I will just relish this time when I can still wear my seatbelt comfortably.