Thursday, June 21, 2012

My Child, A Future NASCAR Driver...WTF?!!!

So I've had some pretty ludicrous conversations with my husband in our relatively short time together. I am a comedian and he's Australian- 'nough said. I'll be the first person to say comics are odd birds and anyone who knows and loves an Aussie understands that this group of people are typically very often lacking in the filter department. Intelligence aside, they can let stuff slip out of their mouths that if it were a visual thing you'd do a double take. 

What I find fascinating is that some of the most absurd conversations have occurred the past few weeks since "our" pregnancy has gone into full swing. A few of these conversations have been covered in this blog from our "Baby Naming Debates" to "S#!T One Should NEVER Say to One's Pregnant Wife".  A classic conversation last week revolved CJ suggesting that we NEVER have a diaper touch our baby's bottom. (I kid you not!) I truly couldn't make this up if I wanted to. I've been wanting to blog about this, but every time I think about it I just shake my head in disbelief. 

Now, in my husband's defense, I appreciate his desire to a) be GREEN and b) fiscally responsible. But THAT is why we're doing G-Diapers or some kind of fabulous earth friendly cloth diapers.  

Now the other thing in my husband's defense is that this was NOT an original thought of his own. (Thank God!) The brother-in-law of the Russian Super-model mom I talked about in my blog "Ah! The Joys of Little Boys" informed CJ during one of their male bonding visits that this woman, his sister-in-law from the former USSR, NEVER once used diapers on her boys- EVER! When he first told me this I called bullshit! 
There's no way any baby in the Western world in today's society has gone diaperless their entire babyhood. But CJ swore up and down it was a Russian thing- and I just didn't understand. So he kept challenging me to call her and see what the trick was so our baby could be just as well trained. I was like, "I don't have to call her because I know what you're saying is INSANE!". Well, they finally caught up with one another on Facebook and it was revealed that although Miss Russia's boys were potty trained early they still wore diapers through at least their sixth month. Told ya so! RIDICULOUS!

Well, the conversation tonight went from the ridiculous to the sublime. We just finished watching the NBA Finals (Poor Oklahoma City Thunder- they got served!) and there was a commercial for ESPN and all sorts of sports. I commented on how happy I'd be if our child played soccer or basketball or even danced- (football is off the table as both of us feel it's just too high a risk for head injuries). It was then that CJ, who is a motorcycle and motocross enthusiast, says, "Or racing." He then tells me about how one of his best friends who's also mad about motocross is looking to buy his son a go-kart. This child is 7 MONTHS OLD!!! He's just barely mastered sitting up by himself.  CJ was like, "I should do that for our baby." (Insert double take here!) 
I was being a smart ass when I said, "Do you have any idea what that could lead too?! You want our baby in NASCAR?!" And that illicited this response:

CJ: "You know, that would be pretty incredible! Do you have ANY idea how badly NASCAR is looking to have a Black driver?! Hello Ca-ching! And if we have a girl?!! Are you kidding me a FEMALE BLACK NASCAR driver! That's like printing money! AND she'd be beautiful!!! Forget about it. I'm going to look on-line for go-karts now."

That's when I excused myself from the conversation- or just stopped listening however you'd like to envision me tuning out and started writing this blog entry- aka my therapy.

God help us all. Especially little Baby Bean.


  1. It can be done but we went the cloth diaper route and washed them ourselves. I learned this from Mom and the late last baby. The son - we gave up after he developed a raging rash from the cloth. No time to work it up. It was sixes for convenience thanks to plastic bags and lack of squeamishness - when you did it at 14 it isnt so scary at 35.
    If your husband is so interested in the no diaper route, he can research how it works. Otherwise he must accept your choice, rule # 55.

  2. PS sounds like CJ wants a go cart.

  3. I was cloth diapered myself as were all of my brothers. Let me tell you, the middle bro.....we called his diapers Biohazards. THEY REEKED. Ugh, its not the diapering, but about the food. When you get to the foods stage, your nose will undergo an evolutionary change, lol. I didn't do it with my little one, she was okay with diapers. And as for the go kart it would work out!

  4. There's actually a pretty steady non-diaper movement now based on a process called elimination communication. I think it's a great idea, but it's a huge commitment and takes a lot of effort. Might be worth it not to have to buy diapers, though..

  5. As someone who spent the better part of 3 years working to build the NASCAR Hall of Fame, let me tell you - there are like zero black people in that sport (ok, maybe you can count them on one hand these days), or at least any that make it to the top. You have no idea, having worked on that project, how much I became the diversity poster child. It is still, in fact, a running joke amongst many friends, colleagues, and clients that I am "the only black woman [in, having anything to do with, at, insert appropriate prepositional phrase here] NASCAR." Trust me, it's a pretty tough burden to bear. It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if you & CJ *happened* to produce not only the best NASCAR driver ever in the history of the sport, but THE ONLY BLACK FEMALE NASCAR DRIVER TO WIN ALL THREE SERIES CHAMPIONSHIPS! That would make me super happy. But s/he can also do just regular people things like be a lawyer or a nurse or, you know, whatever :) Keep hangin' in there!