Monday, June 11, 2012

Green Eyed Monster Monday

For every time I've said, "I don't give a s#!t" - I take it back now. Don't worry Y'all, I'm not having some internal spiritual transformation due to my impending motherhood status that is making me re-evaluate my stance on cursing OR the apathy I have toward over-dramatic people's BS. I'm still good in those areas and have no issue doing either. By nature I'm not a potty mouth so I think I'm okay with the amount I have to contribute to my mental swear jar. Plus, I'm in my 30's which means it's time to cut the "crazy maker's" from my life anyway. (Artist's Way- anyone?)

I currently regret saying, "I don't give a s#!t" on a very literal level right now because I would give just about anything to have one- take one, make one etc... Which is why this very special Green Eyed Monster Monday is brought to you by the letters "F" and "U" cause right now I am SO jealous of my husband and dog I could curse.  I love them dearly, but it seems just like with falling asleep for them these creatures that I adore can do it like clockwork. WTF?! 

Now, I've glazed over this topic a little in my post "All Stopped Up and No Way to Go" and I even dedicated a different Green Eyed Monster Monday to them on this very subject, but that was a couple months ago back when I still thought it was a little funny. It's NOT funny anymore. Now, I'm pissed. Every time CJ or Lealah relieve themselves I get more angry. 

Because that's what being constipated does. It makes you MEAN! Which makes me question with all seriousness a good number of senior citizens' and Rush Limbaugh's regularity.

I wish I was kidding, but a couple of weeks ago when my darling husband was taking one of his marathon craps I lost it. (And by the way how do guys spend half an hour + in the bathroom for that?! Even when I could go with no issue I'm in an out in 5 minutes max. I remember as a kid my father doing the same thing. What are they doing in there? Solving world peace?)
Seriously is it a testosterone thing or do women just think, "I've got too much shit to do (pun intended) other than sitting here on the pot for half the day.") Anywho, CJ's in the bathroom, doing his business, minding his business and as I walked by I just said, "I hate you!" It just rolled off my tongue, like I was saying, "Good morning" or "How are you today?" I don't know what happened, but I couldn't help it. He heard me say something but couldn't discern my contempt so I played it off saying something like, "I found you!" Y'all that is not the woman he married! Deep breaths.

I realize this is part of the process and I've just got to roll, but if this is "our" pregnancy shouldn't we be sharing in all the fun?!


  1. Ha! I am in the same boat! I say the same thing to my husband every time! I am still looking for the magic fiber cereal to help me out...
    If i find it i'll share it with you.

  2. Are you sure he is not in there reading a moto x mag? Personally being in the dunny is the only time i get peace and quiet at home. He may be using the outhouse as his own personal sanctuary!

  3. have you tried asking your ob if you can use sennakot? Its a veggie lax they gave me immediately after birth. It might be okay for pregnancy. Also, yogurt....lots of yogurt. Unless your past the "it makes me go #2" with yogurt.

  4. Seriously, men are always in the bathroom for forever and a day! Unfortunately, I don't think they're solving world peace. BUt maybe we women should give it a try...I'm sure we could be a billion times more productive. I also really wish they had sudoku toilet paper...that would get my ass to stay in there longer, for sure!!!

  5. Not sure if you have it over in the USA, but Benefibre is your friend. A tasteless soluble fibre that you can put in pretty much anything: I have mine in my tea.

    Also, could be worth having a cup of coffee about half an hour after meal (if you are eating meals and not struggling with nausea!): eating and coffee are both stimulants for the muscles in the digestive tract, so can help, ah, move things along.

    Just make sure you keep drinking loooots of water!