Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Why Am I Such A Cry Baby?!

So at 31 weeks Baby Bean is on the fast track for development. 

Fingers and toes have been here for a while- as evidenced by the thumb sucking we caught at the first ultra sound and the playing with toes at the third one. But now, eyes and ears are developed, Baby Bean is even blinking now. CJ and I are convinced the sense of humor has been in the making for some time and there's lots of movement going on. All good stuff. I won't be surprised at all if I give birth to an athlete, a dancer, or yes, even a kick boxer. (see My Olympic Embryo).

I've been reading and hearing from folks that now IS the time to really talk and sing to my child. That's all fine and good. Growing up I was in choir in middle school, high school and even church. I'd like to think I've got a decent enough voice, they didn't kick me out, right?. However, I can't read music, but I can play the piano by ear a little. I do love music even if I prefer stuff from the 80's and yes, I love Barry Manilow- which technically makes me a "Blanilow" (a Black Barry Manilow fan). I have reason to believe that's a rare thing because when I went to his concert a few years ago at Madison Square Garden there were only 4 other Black people there- 3 of them were his back up singers. I wish that was just a joke from my act, but it's actually true.

But I digress. What I'm trying to confess is that every time I start to sing to my Little One- be it a nursery rhyme or a hymn that I remember from church and private school- I start to cry.

I'm not sobbing uncontrollably, but it does affect the quality of the song. I'm not crying sad tears, just super sentimental sweet tears. I am so happy to be carrying this child- something that for years I've wanted, but as my past relationships either didn't mature or turned sour I didn't think I'd ever have. So it's a combination of gratitude and love that is the emotion that overwhelms me and I can't get through "An Irish Lullaby" or "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star". WTF??!!

Has this ever happened to anyone else? My kid's going to think I can only sing in staccato.  


  1. Your crying because your outer black person is in conflict with your inner white person - your inner white person LOVES Barry Manilow, but the outer black is reduced to tears when it is heard! LOL I think you got the wrong Bazza - you should have went with Barry White (who is or was - black!) instead of Barry Manilow. At least your not listening to Peter Allen! But a good old Rolf Harris - "tie me kangaroo down" might be in order as baby bean is after all 1/2 Aussie!

  2. Rolf Harris.....maybe a little Men at Work or ACDC at least

  3. Personally I used to sing broadway tunes to my trio. It's kinda hard to start crying while belting out "There's no business like show business."


    1. I'm going to try that!!! Broadway Showtunes!!! Duh! Thank you BB.

  4. I sang in other languages, primarily Japanese, Latin, Italian, and french. And my Ex would sing in Macedonian to me, so vicariously she heard it since i didn't know i was pregnant XD. Now my daughter can spell zombies and pokemon.....I'm screwed when she learns all those words we spell out.