Friday, August 31, 2012

Sleep?! What the F*@k Is That?

A few nights ago (really more like 3am) I was trying to wax poetic about my insomnia; so for my Facebook status I posted. "O' sleep where art thou?" as I was clearly lacking in it. Now, as if you couldn't tell from my headline- I'm over trying to be quaint and I'm just down right pissy. I understand that this is Mother Nature's way of preparing me for when Baby Bean arrives and I get sleep maybe in 2 hour intervals after feedings. But can't Mother Nature wait just a few more weeks?! I mean good Lord I've still got 8 weeks to go. Can't this madness start in another 4 -5 weeks. What's the rush MN?

I really don't think I'm asking for that much. I'm someone can do wonders with five even four hours of sleep. I've never been a BIG sleeper as it is- even in childhood. Do you remember the good old days in preschool when after playtime and snacks you'd grab your totally uncomfortable macrame- like mat and lay on it for a quick 20- 30 minute nap? 

I could NEVER get into that. In fact it was so bad that my mom just had to write a note to the powers that be on my behalf saying that it was fine to let me stay up. All they had to do was stick me in a corner and give me a book and I was good to go. Now looking back I'm like what the hell was wrong with me? 'Cause as this point in my life I would pay somebody to make me take a nap in the middle of the day. But I guess I'm 30 + years late and a dollar short on that one.
What gets me now about this insomnia BS is that it's not like I'm not exhausted. Running around New York City, having shows, going on auditions etc., meeting up with friends for lunch or dinner, walking to the subway, trudging up and down the stairs in the ridiculous August heat with super swollen legs and feet (trust me I could put Hilary Clinton's cankles to shame) all I want to do when I get home is conk out. But I can't. 

I can't relax. I can't quiet my brain. I can't get comfortable. Well, that's not entirely true, I can do those things just not all three at once. And on the super rare chance that I do get the magic mojo for sleep working in my favor that's just when Baby Bean thinks it's time for a Zumba class to take place in my womb.  I can't tell y'all how many times I've been kicked in the ribs at 6am- just when I'm starting to doze off.

I know I can't take anything- nor do I want to medicate myself. But I am open to any and all natural methodologies. If you told me I had to stand on my head for 5 minutes with an ice pack on my vagina and that would give me a good solid 6 hours of sleep I'd be willing to try it. I am seriously that desperate.  

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