Where Is My Bump, My Bump My Lovely Lady Lump???

Sorry if you’ve got that Fergilicious song in your head now- if it’s any consolation it’s in mine too. What I can't believe is that I'm writing about this so far into my pregnancy. I'm officially 28 weeks and I still don't really "look" pregnant. I know I've written about this before, but that was several weeks ago when in my mind it was still okay to be in “prego-limbo land”. But now when all of the mommy websites I go to talk about my protruding belly and my whacked out belly button I just look in the mirror and sigh.

Don’t get me wrong I’ve gotten bigger- no question, but I don’t have that cute little baby bump. I just look like I really like bread. Or as my darling husband CJ has said, that I‘ve been frequenting the buffet a little too often. (He’s a charmer!)

I suppose the good news is that I’ve not really had to buy “maternity clothes.” Sure, I’ve picked up a few looser fitting things at the GAP outlet- some sleeveless tops and a couple of long skirts and I purchased bras a cup and size bigger. But my clothes from when I was heavier a couple of years ago are fitting perfectly.

It’s just odd now being this far along and still having to TELL people I’m pregnant. In the beginning it was kind of fun and cool, but the novelty has worn off. Now I feel like people are like, “That girl’s just a chubster- who is she kidding?” I suppose I could take it as a compliment. When I tell most people how far along I am their response is usually, “Wow- you don’t look like it.” And that makes the worry wart in me come out and I start thinking “Is my baby too small, what the heck’s going on?!”

So deep breaths, I’m gonna chill and I will just relish this time when I can still wear my seatbelt comfortably.

"Didja Pee A Little?"

I wish I could say that was a cute little camp song that I can't get out of my head now that summer is upon us. But alas, it is not. It is what my husband, CJ, says to me not once, not twice, but countless times a day. What makes it all the more tragic is that when I say "yes" he laughs- lovingly and I hope sympathetically, but he still gets a giggle from it.

That is because in conjunction with summer comes hay fever which translates into LOTS of sneezing for me. And now thanks to whatever powers that be, I pee myself a little -- about 90% of the time I sneeze. 

 
Fortunately it's not noticable, I mean I don't look like poor Fergie during a Black Eyed Pea concert or anything, but I KNOW what just happened and that's enough.

You have no idea how I wish this was just a bit for my comedy act, but it's freakin' true. It's also another thing my loving "already-mommy" friends neglected to share with me. Sure they told me that AFTER the baby is born things "down stairs" won't be the exact same as they were PB (pre-baby), but NO ONE told me this s#!t was going to start before the kid popped out.

I literally now carry a spare change of panties in my purse- just in case. Before this was something I did only when traveling just in case my luggage was lost. (BTW that's an awesome tip for anyone who has ever to check luggage. It's also wise to carry-on an extra bra too- 'cause you never know when the airlines are going to F- it up. Just like peeing yourself it happens when you least expect it!)

Now, I look at ads for products like Poise that Whoopi Goldberg does and I'm like, "Um, Jessica Simpson or Tori Spelling should really be one of their spokesmodels- that would be just as realistic and it wouldn't make women like me who aren't menopausal yet feel bad. And I do feel bad- I feel like I should be able to control it, but I can't. I dread sneezing, but I can't hold them in especially when it's triggered by allergies.

Yes, it's TRUE Brook Burke and I now have something in common

The ONLY thing that does make me feel better is knowing that women who look amazing, have had tons of kids and seem to have it all- like say Brooke Burke- every time she coughs uncontrollably, laughs too hard or screams "Ah-choo" she has without a doubt peed herself a little too.

I'll be honest that definitely helps me sleep at night.