iPotty??? Ummm, How About iCan't.

So this being a new mommy is wild stuff. I'm doing things I had no idea I was capable of like exercising unconditional patience during teething & sleep-fighting tantrums. I'm pulling out all the stops to breastfeed (See The Best Damn Lactation Cookies You'll Ever Eat.)
  

I've also now been relegated from watching popular adult shows like Breaking Bad on Netflix to Sesame Street and Yo Gabba Gabba. I think it's safe to say life for me has changed pretty drastically. And as much as I miss my old wake up time of 10am- I am acclimating to 6:30/7:30am.  

So I make myself clear I'm not bitching about any of these changes. I couldn't be happier to be a mom. My point was to get across that motherhood is a serious commitment and MAJOR life change. Like the majority of moms out there I'm am doing as good a job as I can to the best of my ability which includes reading as many books, blogs and parenting magazines as I can get my hands on, having pow-wows with all of my friends who are also mothers and last but not least staying up on all the latest baby trends and technology. 

But the other day one of my best friends and mother of 3 whose youngest is just 2 months older than Baby Bean posted this on her Facebook page.

The iPotty

Initially I thought it was a joke, because like me she has a bit of a twisted sense of humor. Then I clicked on the link and it lead me to this Amazon.com page. Not only is this item real but it's been on back order a several times. I shit you not! (Pun totally intended.) What I love most though were the comments people posted. Some hysterically mocking the product while others are unabashedly defending their right and reasoning for purchasing it. Either way it'll give you a laugh. 

But like me, it should also make you think about how far you will go to please, entertain, encourage, and "train" your child. Never say never, but right now my response to the iPotty is iCan't! 
 

Why Water Births Rule!

It just dawned on me that I had yet to REALLY write about how Baby Bean came into the world and why my husband, CJ, and I chose the all natural water birth route. Now that she's been out of me almost half as long as she was inside I realized it was time to share before it becomes a foggy memory.  

Although I seriously doubt the birth of your kid, especially the first one, is ever foggy- unless you were higher than Keith Richards on any given Saturday night in the 60's, 70's, 80's or 90's- oh hell, who are we kidding that man would probably drop dead if he didn't still get his groove on- now it's just probably laced with calcium and Metamucil.

From the moment I learned that a woman could have a baby in water I wanted to do it. Maybe it’s because I’m a Cancerian with my Rising and Moon Signs in Scorpio -which of course makes me a “triple water threat”. 

But I also thought that it would help make one of the most intense experiences of my and my baby’s life relaxing and calming; and when you think about it what better way to come into the world? Heck, you’ve been in water for 9 months- talk about a smooth transition. So when we got pregnant my CJ and I found a birthing center that would let us have the all-natural delivery we dreamed of.

 

The ACTUAL Birthing Tub Where Baby Bean Was Born 

When my daughter was born I don’t know if she’d heard us talking and knew she was going to come out into water, but thank God she did because that little creature launched out of me like a submarine torpedo. I swear if we’d been in a regular hospital delivery room this kid would have shot clear across the room like a bad scene from a National Lampoon movie. I can totally picture her slipping through Chevy Chase's hands. 

Fortunately, Baby Bean had a short umbilical cord so she didn’t hit the other side of the tub. Instead, she ricocheted right back and CJ literally caught her on the rebound. I for one had no idea newborns were such thrill seekers I mean really you're gonna baby bungee jump out of the womb. Really?!

Aside from the comfort and ease that being in water afforded me and my baby I think one of the best parts of a water birth is that when you bring them up out of the water for their very first breath they don’t look like something out of “Alien”. They’re squeaky clean!!! Ba-bam!!! No more maintenance required—well, except for the whole feeding and raising them thing.

 

I had no idea how fortunate I was to have such an amazing birthing experience.  I give two thumbs and a uterus up to water births. I think every woman should have one or at least seriously consider it. 

*Oh and one last little caveat- EVERYONE who meets the Bean comments on how alert she is. I swear it's because she was born drug-free and in such an awesome environment.

Back that $#!T Up!!!

Oh God, how I wish was talking about getting your grove on at a night club. A) I'm not that cool. I'm lucky I know what the "Harlem Shake" is. B) I think we all know that as a new mother the only club I'm seeing these days is a comedy club when I'm working OR the one in my dreams. But let's be real, the night club in my dreams has the theme to "Elmo's World" and "Baa Baa Black Sheep" playing on constant rotation. Believe me the only way it could be worse is if it was in techno.

No, the backing up I'm referring to is anything important on your cell phone. I mean ALL information- any of it-  photos, contacts, notes, voice notes etc...The reason I am so adamant about this because this last Saturday at the Dallas Arboretum and Botanical Gardens while I'm visiting Texas with the girls (Baby Bean and the Chihuahua) I LOST MY PHONE aka "my life in a digital representation."

Now the crazy part of all of it is, someone actually picked it up. I know this because they answered it when I called. He even told me what he was wearing a turquoise shirt and that his wife was wearing white wearing and disclosed where he was with his wife and daughter so that he could return the phone that I'd only dropped 7 minutes before.

But we never hooked up, my battery died and it seems he didn't have the presence of mind to turn it in to "Lost and Found." As far as I know he walked off with it, sold it, tossed it in the trash can out of spite-- who the hell knows? All I know is that I don't have the majority of four months of pictures of my sweet baby! (This is also because although I have a Mac the iCloud only works if you have an iPhone, so I was iScrewed.)
 

There are no words for how upset I've been over this, but I'm also smart enough to keep things in perspective. I lost the photos which sucks, but it's not the end of the world. I still have my beautiful baby and plenty of opportunities for new pics. Let's just consider this an expensive lesson learned- one I paid with money for a new phone and with tears- lots and lots of tears.

So word to the wise especially you parents who don't want to miss a thing- Back That $#!T Up!!!!